I decided to join this site so that I could share my story and get things out that I need to get out. I have noone else that I can talk to about all of this. I feel like I was doomed from the start. My dad committed suicide when I was about 3 years old. My mom started dating another man around the same time. This man beat my mother constantly and beat me as well. I remember hiding in my closet and running through neighbors yards with my mom hiding behind trees and banging on neigbors doors trying to get help and noone would help us. This man was also a pedophile who molested me from the time I was 4 till I was 13 years old. My mother knew it was happening but told me I was a liar when I tried to talk to her about it. When I was 15 I was raped by a stranger while on vacation with a friend. I started using drugs and attempted suicide. I ended up getting pregnant as a teenager and was married by the time I was 18. My husband is verbally and physically abusive. I am told constantly that I am nothing but trash and that I am a worthless *****. He has lied about me to everyone I know. Most people think he is a great guy because they don’t see the same person I see. I can’t leave because I know he will try to take my kids and I know that I cannot support them financially on my own right now. I am also scared of what else he may do if I leave. I am severely depressed. I do not leave the house hardly, I cannot sleep, I am exhausted all the time, I have no friends, I get anxiety in public because I feel like everyone thinks the same things about me as my husband does. I have wanted to commit suicide so many times. I have written suicide notes and written out my wishes in the event of my death. I have planned my funeral and written letters to my children. The only thing that stops me is the love I have for my children and I do not want to hurt them. I am scared that if things continue the way they are that I will not be able to hold on. I am trying my best to deal with everything and trying to find a way out of my situation. I want my life to get better and I want to be happy like the people that I see around me. If anyone can offer any advice or can tell me their story of survival please write in response to my story.
1 comment
I just read your story and all I can say is that you are an amazing, strong individual who I admire. I know that probably means little from a stranger over the internet.
Perhaps you could email The Samaritans (you can do this anonymously) about your problems and they can give you advice? Or maybe you could contact a domestic abuse helpline?
I do not know where you are from, but you might be able to find a local helpline here; http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=spouse+abuse&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&client=firefox-a#sclient=psy&hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB%3Aofficial&q=domestic+abuse+helpline&aq=1&aqi=g4g-o1&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=&pbx=1&fp=e1873af33f33b12