After fucking 8 days clean i relapsed and cut again. Life sucks, I mean all i can do is write.Â My mom hates me, if i died more than sad she would be relieved. My bro is pretty awesome and it would hurt him but he’s “the golden one” he wants to get into homeland security. My mom’s so proud of him. I’m the disgrace. My dad’s never around. But I don’t care, I hate him anyway. I hope he never shows his face again. If i ever say i’d rather die than blank blank blank, it means shit. I’d rather dietha live. I’m done with life. Sick of this shit. Done with it. so yeah i’ll push the knife pull the trigger orswallow the pills! my heart is beating and it’s sickening! life refses to leave butÂ i’m in charge now! bound to hell and ready for it!