The Pursuit of Happiness…

It’s all I’ve ever wanted. To be happy…

Ok, so I understand that I’m not poor, I have a food, clothes, water, many things, but my house is not my home.

I’m a 17 year old male. Young? Maybe, but all I want is to feel free. I was born in England, but my parents are from India… You can probably guess where this is going…

I’m smart, behave well, don’t do drugs, rarely party, and I’m still a virgin. I have no desire to do any of that, my parents don’t understand me. They want me to be their “good Indian boy” unfortunately I don’t fit their description. I have so much to share with them, but they won’t even think about it with an open mind, they are very strict.

Ok I decided I wasn’t going to delete anything whilst writing this post, but so far it’s been a bit of a confusing mess, let me try again…

I wish to live my life. I’m old enough to be allowed out at least once a week, into town in the day without being told off for going out. I get good grades, I’m on track for medical school. However so much of my life I’ve hid from my parents… I’ve had girlfriends, had a bit of a drink, I’m open and social, I don’t judge anyone, yet this isn’t enough. I told my parents I had a girlfriend recently and they were disgusted by it,  she’s “white”, at that point my so called mother informed me that I should break up with her as she would never allow me to marry a “white” girl and also that I’m too young for a girlfriend. After all this I try to get along with them. I have to lie to my parents and it kills me, I have girlfriends without them knowing, meet people and go to parties and lie to them. I know it’s wrong, but it’s the only choice I believe I have…I’ve had suicidal thoughts before, but now it’s just too much…

I feel that they’ll never truly understand me, what’s the point in living if my own parents refuse to accept who I am. If I have to hide myself, and mask half of my life.

I’ve been told by friends that I’m always happy, I’m cheerful, kind hearted, always there for anyone, and constantly complimented in similar ways. I don’t think so.

Then there is this concept of “God”. I would love to believe in you, but so far even my parents have shown me that there is little hope in this world…

It seems to me that this “God” and “religion” are the reasons for creating many of the problems in the world…

Anyway, that’s irrelevant, I think I can say. I’m ready to die… but a part of me wants to live. Someone please help…