The voice

this voice in my head. I dont know whether to believe it or to deny it and act like i dont hear her. But when I do that she screams, and wails, and make me feel pain all around my head. but when i listen to her, she makes my day go to shit. just ruins it, everything in my life that i have ever heard bad about me, your ugly, your a whore, your a fail. she screams. my dad told me last night that i was fucking stupid. coming from my dad(the only person i look up to and have emtionally in the family) it crushed my heart. and she just loves to torture me with that now. yelling it, making it repeat and repeat. I dont know how to stop her. My boyfriend has the same problem, but his speaks differently. he said he could give me drugs to make it less intense from hearing her. but when i think of that she yells, and makes me not want to get rid of her. like as if she is a part of me. or as if im becoming her. I dont know what to do. But i just let her control my thoughts and actions towards everything. im no longer myself,i’ve become a voice in my head, im a completely different person. i have so many scars on my body now..(94 to be exact) just from the last week, because of her, she wants me to, so i just listen. She tells me her name is Lucy. I dont know why thats her name, but she says it is. and Lucy is a lot like me, but im becoming a lot more like her. I think I’m going crazy.