What to do now???

Yesterday was christmas and the thoughts in my head are just not good. Christmas is suppost to be a time for family but what happen when u can have that family with u. What happen when you can’t even tell the guy you like hey you confuse me a Lot and there are times that even after we talk I am thinking about everything u told me and I understand it after looking up words and other stuff and I worry about you more then myself and your keeping me alive cause I want to see if you really act like that in person. But I can’t even say that cause I’m scared he might think I’m weird  and never talk to me again. A time of year were being alone is never a good thing. To have someone hold u and make you feel whole. But even if he dose like me he lives far away. I will wait till I meet him and the see if maybe this crappy life may just be worth. Idk what to think. Want to help? If u want to help cOmment of email me at npazdra@gmail.com
Thanks