Visited my psychiatrist today. She thinks I’m ready for inpatient hospitalization. I’m so underwhelmed by the medical community that I really think it would be a waste of time. The thought of going inpatient scares the crap out of me, but it may come down to that or hanging myself with the laundry in the closet. May not be the right place to ask this question, but has anyone had a good experience going inpatient? I say it may not be the right place because if you had a good experience you probably wouldn’t be on this site. Everything seems to make my depression worse. I can’t watch television, all the shows and t.v. ads remind me of things I don’t have. I can’t listen to music, or read anything but self-help books or similar, I have no interests anymore, and everything reminds me of my old life when I was happy. Without my ex and my old life I can’t see myself ever being happy again. I wish I had some illicit drug that would put me out of my misery, but I’m too chickenshit to go downtown and seek out a dealer. I want to die but not on the streets of Baltimore or D.C. Sorry I’m rambling. I feel like I’m losing my mind.