I’m almost 42 years old, and I’ve been fighting depression since I was eight. I’m so tired. My counselor is a kind, sweet person, but I think she’s done all she can. Medication does nothing for me. My family and friends don’t want to hear about my struggles, and judge my depression as a character flaw if I talk about it. I feel very lonely, isolated, and as if I don’t have a voice. Also, I’m a Christian; I’m active in my church and I pray regularly, but there is no relief. (And I really don’t want to hear that I’m not faithful enough…you’d lose faith, too, if you battled depression for decades.)
If the only unforgivable sin in God’s eyes is blaspheming the Holy Spirit, and if Heaven is so much better than here, I don’t have a compelling reason to remain in a painful existence instead of moving on to a place with joy, peace, and love. Why does society force its agenda on us? If I had a physical illness, people would understand my desire to end my life. But, despite my long battle with depression, I’m expected to fight to hold on to a what has become a lonely, painful existence.
I’m not some young kid struggling with the loss of a first love. My life is at least half, if not 2/3 over. Thirty-three years of depression is enough. Please, I just want to go. Why should I bother to stay?