Because I still laugh at funny things and enjoy certain things. I’m not asking am I depressed enough for me to kill myself, because I want to kill myself but I am not depressed… how would that look to someone who doesn’t understand and instead just saw some person kill themselves (not literally) and then found out they didn’t stay stoic for days on end, didn’t cut themselves (I know not all cut themselves), didn’t cry, or show much signs of sadness because they weren’t sad.
Plain and simple I hate the world, I don’t wanna even bother wasting time living it because as I explained in one of my posts, our lives are predetermined: work till your broken then die. My social anxiety is what stops me from going out and enjoying all the stuff in-between, but after 2 years of this thinking I now have no damn interest in that stuff. My personality changed and this is now my way of thought.
I’d chuck on a funny movie and laugh my ass off, but the day I get told “get out of my house” or “I found you a job” is the day I kick the bucket and open the door hoping to find a realm where I’d enjoy being productive.
I don’t believe in cataloging forms of depression linked to suicide because then people like me will get overlooked and when one wants help then they’ll be deemed “not depressed enough”. I am not one of those people however.
I don’t view suicide as a tragedy, only when the person who does it wants it to be. It’s the ultimate choice one can make… to end the only possible existence they have in this universe on this small insignificant rock.
Call me selfish, cause in the end everyone is, some just less than others.