Have been suicidal for about five years. Every now and then I go that bit further and for around ten minutes I have the urge to kill someone. It happened today and the episodes are become more frequent as time goes on. I am worried that I may hurt one of my family and feel that the only way to stop it is to kill myself. I will die a traitor but not as much as if I were to kill someone else before I do. I don’t care what condition you will want to call it but I do not want help. How could I possibly persuade anyone about this? In a few weeks one of my freinds brothers is having a stag party but I don’t think I can hold on till after that. I am so fucking tired. I wish I could meet someone who knows how I feel, in the flesh, but there is no one. This life is not meant for me, it just isn’t.