Have been suicidal for about five years. Every now and then I go that bit further and for around ten minutes I have the urge to kill someone. It happened today and the episodes are become more frequent as time goes on. I am worried that I may hurt one of my family and feel that the only way to stop it is to kill myself. I will die a traitor but not as much as if I were to kill someone else before I do. I don’t care what condition you will want to call it but I do not want help. How could I possibly persuade anyone about this? In a few weeks one of my freinds brothers is having a stag party but I don’t think I can hold on till after that. I am so fucking tired. I wish I could meet someone who knows how I feel, in the flesh, but there is no one. This life is not meant for me, it just isn’t.
17 comments
If you don’t mind me asking What happened today?
Have been unemployed for a long time due to an illness I’ve had. I search day and night for jobs to no avail. I go to sign on at the jobcentre and they have refused to pay me.
Yea actually I have. We the economy went into recession construction was one of the first occupational fields to go. So I know exactly how you’re feeling. What was the last job you had?
Had a job at a resteraunt. Got treated like absolute shit by other staff, had anxiety problems. I got real frustrated there and saw the knife rack and nearly felt like killing one of the staff. I then went home and took a huge overdose. Got another job but it closed temporarily for the winter so have to continue looking.
Well I applaude you for not stabbing someone.well just keep looking for a job.preferably something that you like and where you won’t be surrounded by pains in the ass. As for the anxiety go to the doctor and see if they prescribe you some medication. If you don’t want pills for your anxiety your could try taking some”you” time whenever you feel overwhelmed.
This is the problem, its ever increasingly hard to find jobs, the job that shut down for the winter I got only because my friends family owns the place and they felt sorry for me. I live out in the middle of nowhere and have no car. All the jobs are in the city and are of skills that I don’t have. Have you ever had the oppurtunity to talk to someone who is suicidal in the flesh? I would just like that for someone to connect with….
Where do you live?Do you have family you could talk to? I’m sorry I’m not there to talk to you.
North Yorks England. Yes I have family but they do not understand me at all.
You live england? I’m sorry I thought youi lived in the usa. I’m guessing you had no clue what I was talking about when I said economic recession. Have you thought about moving closer to the city? What about. Learning some new job skills?
I know what you meant believe me. Yes I want to move to the city very badly but will have to find a job there before I do. Would love to pursue my interest in making music videos but where I live there are no oppurtunities. Thanks for your interest, I feel a little better now.
Well if there are no opportunities in north yorks why not relocate to another city instead? I encourage you to pursue your intersts so then you’ll actually enjoy going to work.having a job that you hate will only make you feel worse make you do undesired things like stab or kill one of your coworkers.
Thanks for the encouragment. Wish I could actually talk to you Thanks.
how about a sheep hearder in the yorkshire dales
You’re very welcome. That’s what I’m here for.if you have any questions, need advice or words of encouragement or just want to talk feel free to email me. But please don’t kill yourself. Life is full of ups and downs you just have to be strong .ill support you in anyway I can. Good luck
i hope you find a job.I used to feel like killing everyone but it passed im really rooting for you and i respect you alot i can tell ur a hard worker.
I felt like that once. it was really strange and unusual to me. I was really mad and not just for a minute. I was raging and I didn’t know why, everything pissed me off. Anyone who talked to me even my mother, I screamed at her I really wanted to kill someone beat them t’ill they die. I really scared me. I got over it after some time. I’m not a violent person but sometimes i still feel like I can’t control myself, even tough not as frequent as in the past. it took me time to “teach’ myself how to control myself and not freak out. for now the worse case that can happen is that I’ll be wishing for someone to die or break something or throw it to the wall.
I really believe that it is horrible hurt other people specially people that are close to me and people I don’t want to hurt. so I’m doing everything not to hurt them.
Violence destroyed my soul.
Seeing their pupils dilate
Its like their soul is screamin at you.
then u feel so hollow
its not worth it