I wonder this a lot. Well, a boy who was like a brother to me got arrested for drug possession and resisting arrest. I might be kicked out of RSA (An art school). I seem to have this constant feeling of either being completely emotionless or angry… My friends seem to think its nice befriending people who call me a cutter and such, and an emo (which means emotional and I am not.) (Nor do I cut.) Sometimes I think I should though… Today I got put by the annoying guy who is shorter than I am (I’m 4′ 11″) and all he did was swear and steal crap from people. I wanted to strangle him, then he said: “Oh go cut yourself.” So I called him a stupid bastard. I seriously hate high school, whether I pass or not I’m leaving the soonest I can. My mom may be making me move to the outskirts of a few towns over and it’s all country. Good? No. New school = New enemies. That, and when I don’t know people I freak out and can’t breath right and such. Recently suicide has come to mind, and I wonder how I’ll do it. I always get a little better THEN WORSE than I was the last time. I just keep going down, never able to get up… : / I just want some peace….
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Starry Eyed Loser. There has to be a solution for us. I can identify with everything you say. I feel I have enemies all over the place. At this point, I am emotionless, I barely talk to anyone, I have a daughter who I don’t want her to see the monster that I am.
I can relate to the monster inside….I just try to be with that feeling as uncomfortable as it is. jthomas, we tend to shoot ourselves down before anyone would think of casting judgment or anything negative our way. I don’t know your situation but, I forgive my dad for all his crap….unconditional love is accepting the whole person-good and bad. I would hope your daughter cares for you bros. and you don’t hide from her.