Dakota.

So. Its my 20th birthday, yet life isn’t anymore exciting. I tried everything; moving away, moving back, sex, drugs, its all not working. I took the nursing program so my mom would just get off my back. Drew, my boyfriend and I moved into the basment at dads. Its been great for the first few months, but everything is getting so boring and life is becoming so repetetive. Yesturday is clashing with today, and no doubt tomorrow. Well I guess its time to go out, I’m almost 20.

I meet up with Sam and Sie, and I try my most authetic smile, because though they’re my bestfriends, they can’t no my hearts broken or hurting at all. That night, I go home, and think back to how it ever got to this… Nice skin, shiny hair, great bod, bright smile, yet I feel so ugly. No matter what mom or my two brothers Dally or Zach tell me.

Drew got me a diamond for Christmas. It was beautiful. Not like he proposed or anything, but promised his love to me. He even tattooed my name on his wrist… Oh, only if he knew how broken I am…

Its been 10 days after new years, and I’m a wreck. Been up all night thinking, confused. Drew of course was asleep. I tried facebooking friends, but no one answered back. I tried texting, but got no one to text. Damn. Its already 7:30 am! How long have a been up? I flick on the radio and hear a contest and call in to try and win… I do. Though that doesn’t even make me happier, doesn’t even make me smile. I get in the car, and drive up to moms house, sitting in the driveway, though they’re all asleep, they should be up soon. I visit, and mom knows somethings wrong, but I shrug off and tell her to mind her business, and that I’m confused. I sqweeze Dally and Zach real tight, not sure if its the last time.

I drive back home, and look in dads shed, seeing a rope. Its like, a whole new Dakota has come out geared on automatic. I pick up the rope and feel the weight of it in my hands as I lug it back downstairs… I grab a chair and tie one end to the ceiling and I loop at the bottom. Again, I go look at my sweet boyfriend sleeping, and think of Dally’s sweet smiling face. I think of my middle brother Zach, just trying to figure things out as I go to step on the chair. I place the loop around my head and a bunch of blurred images come to mind. I’m looking over my own funeral; there are many people weeping, over me… me… I see my mom dad, boyfriend and two brother at the front, then the immediate pews behind them I see my uncles and aunts and all my cousins. Behind my family, I see tons of people confused, sad and dazed. Then, I remember all the hurt and brokeness I feel, though I’ve forgotten to tell anyone why, I step off the chair to see what happens next….