General full of sorrow by uesgirl 1/16/2011 written by uesgirl 1/16/2011 i’m a physician in residency training. i feel like i shouldn’t feel this way, but i cant help it. i’m so tired, so lost, i feel so ‘not good enough’ thoughts of dying all the time. i hate myself. i’m all alone. i dont know how to go on. 6 comments 0 Email Related posts stuck in the shadows 10/18/2021 10/18/2021 Why Me? 10/18/2021 Goodguy sends love part2 10/18/2021 Heavy 10/18/2021 Satisfactory is good enough 10/18/2021 Numb to the Core 10/18/2021 Suicidal 10/18/2021 plaything 10/17/2021 When little to nothing brings you joy 10/16/2021 6 comments depressed_lady 1/16/2011 - 9:53 pm i feel the same way…if you want to talk i am here. It would help you…and it will help me too. Do you have yahoo or msn messenger? Log in to Reply Scout 1/16/2011 - 11:22 pm I’m a psychiatrist. Board certified. A mother. Daughter. Wife. Friend. I feel trapped by my title/profession. I am thinking of ways to die. Specific plans. How to do it. How the life insurance will be doled out. How to do it with the least impact on my family. I used to worry it would be a crime to kill myself with as beautiful a child as I have. Increasing her chance for suicide. Giving her a terrible life. Lately though, I see, when considered over thousands of years it really makes no difference. In the end, we’ll all either be together – or silently, blissfully apart. I’m thinking of hanging myself since my loved ones have confiscated the guns and pills after my first real suicide attempt 9 months ago. I ended up on a vent after an OD. I wish they would have let me die. Only thing with hanging is it will look like suicide. I don’t want my super beautiful, intelligent daughter to know I suicided. I want it to look like an accident. How to do that? A bullet through the base of the brain won’t suffice. Hanging leaves it’s mark. So does overdose. Automobile accident? You can’t realistically fall to your death from a bridge or building. At 43 I’m ready. I’ve seen so much suffering. I am such a failure at coping with stress, and so “spineless” according to my mother. Maybe I should try ECT first. Maybe that would help me. But I’m expected to start practicing psychiatry again. How can I do that with a clear conscience? It’s better for me to hasten my exit. But how to lessen the impact on my daughter? Should I stay alive for her? I really am not worth the air I breathe, otherwise. I am non-productive for 9 months now. Maybe I should go back to the hospital. In my favor, I’ve helped a lot of people – and worked hard to get to where I am. And I recently had a hysterectomy with bilateral oopherectomy. On estrogen patch – which might kill me from breast cancer but everyone I know thinks my chance of mental illness death is much higher so recommend I take estrogen replacement therapy. As far as physician in residency training, I say, “Don’t do it.” See a therapist. Talk to a friend. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Maybe get out of medicine. It’s not worth it. For me, maybe things are different. I’m not as good as the rest of the world. I’m so sorry to everyone. I hope God will forgive me and not send me to Hell. I hope none of you here actually suicide. There is help available. Log in to Reply dylan and pretty boy 1/17/2011 - 2:10 am I feel the same way too. Maybe you could write us out a prescription for something nice and lethal? I’d like to go soon. Log in to Reply paul_1991 1/17/2011 - 2:34 am I feel the same, I am in the middle of masters degree yet it means nothing to me. I cant see the point in anything, I don’t want to be like this but I can’t help it. I hope theres a point and a light at the end of the tunnel but I’m not sure. I don’t know what to do but it feels the only way to get people to listen to what I have to say or care is at my funeral Log in to Reply niki 1/17/2011 - 2:59 am A bit similar.. Society can be so fucking crazy, that it’s truly seems like survival of the fittest most of the time.. Well, there *are* indeed other kinds of lifestyle out of the System..but sometimes (or often) it’s hard to find ’em, especially if we’re soo really trapped by our ‘reality’ or fucking bad life’s circumstances. Why, why does LIfe HAVE to be a Struggle??…. And do we actually deserve to be ‘punished’ if we don’t want to join the struggles??.. Log in to Reply unbecoming 1/18/2011 - 11:02 am @scout What if you are as good or more? The world needs you. @uesgirl What if you are good enough? Even experienced physicians carry uncertainty. Log in to Reply Leave a Comment Cancel ReplyYou must be logged in to post a comment.Subscribe to comments: Don't subscribe All Replies to my comments Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.