how the attempt of suicide affected my life

well here it goes. I’m 21 yrs old and from Tennessee. love my family and friends. was engaged to be married this last year. well he left me on valentines day. he had made my life a living hell while we were together. after he left me i just had no desire to live even though things had been bad with him. he had cheated on me and got another girl pregnant then gave her the ring he bought me. sitting alone one day i just couldn’t stop thinking about they way things happened. walked to the kitchen and picked up the biggest knife i could find. put it to my wrist and just put as much pressure as i could and sliced right through my skin from one side to the other. dropped the knife. couldn’t believe what i had just done. to me it was a rush that i had never felt. then the fear of dying kicked in. called for help. my family and friends couldn’t believe what i had done. but for weeks i had been telling them i needed help and no one would listen. it was upsetting that it took that for someone to believe me. i laid in the hospital just thinking about all the people in my life that i was hurting. but yet there was the part of me that wished i would have succeeded still. they recommended i see a Dr. so i finally got in to one after trying for so long. to this day its not easy to admit that I’m not OK or that my life has become difficult. i have to take medication every day just to forget about the things that drove me to it. but still yet in ways they are always creeping into my thoughts. a simple action or word from someone can bring it all flooding back. I’m doing better slowly but ill never be the same. when people talk about how bad life is i can relate. ive been through alot. 2 rapes and many asshole boyfriends later I’m still alive. as dead as ive wanted to be at times ive never succeeded. but ive come to realize that even though i wanted my life to end there were people who counted on me and love me. there have been times i have had people ask about the scar and want to know the story. so there have been times that ive tried to tell it. it will never be easy but just maybe my story can change a life. let them know that even though things get bad and i made stupid choices I’m still here living through it and learning to cope. you may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel but sometimes you have to go through some darkness to reach it. well ive went through mine. and although the light isn’t getting very bright each day i still try and move on and forget. but if you read this just know I’m sitting here in tears wondering why I’m telling complete strangers about myself. guess I’m just hoping that you will think twice before you do what i tried to do. sure its a way out but its not the way you need to take. just give it time and things will get better.