Why am I so emotionless. I don’t express much emotions to my family, or to the few friends that I have. I have made three failed suicide attempts and now i’m kind of tired of the attempts but there is something deep down that is telling me to try again. I try to stay away from these thoughts because the more I think of them, I get depressed, embarrassed, and I feel more ashamed. I’m a very sensitive guy that take things too personally. Not only that, I don’t “understand” much. More and more as I begin to start observing myself, it appears that I am slow (because of my hearing, i’m almost deaf; I have severe hearing loss in both ears), and I don’t really understand conversation. 25 years living on this earth. I have the most ridiculous memory that man has ever known. I don’t remember much from my child hood and to tell you the truth I have not been able to tell a story just for laughs in a really long time. I feel alone most of the time, and i’m isolating myself more and more every day. My fear is that this will lead to a 4th attempt and I don’t want another set back.
What can I possibly do to break this difficult cycle?