Why am I so emotionless. I don’t express much emotions to my family, or to the few friends that I have. I have made three failed suicide attempts and now i’m kind of tired of the attempts but there is something deep down that is telling me to try again. I try to stay away from these thoughts because the more I think of them, I get depressed, embarrassed, and I feel more ashamed. I’m a very sensitive guy that take things too personally. Not only that, I don’t “understand” much. More and more as I begin to start observing myself, it appears that I am slow (because of my hearing, i’m almost deaf; I have severe hearing loss in both ears), and I don’t really understand conversation. 25 years living on this earth. I have the most ridiculous memory that man has ever known. I don’t remember much from my child hood and to tell you the truth I have not been able to tell a story just for laughs in a really long time. I feel alone most of the time, and i’m isolating myself more and more every day. My fear is that this will lead to a 4th attempt and I don’t want another set back.
What can I possibly do to break this difficult cycle?
8 comments
Don’t worry about opening up?
I mean, if you really don’t care, then it won’t hurt to bare all/tell the brutal truth about yourself, right?
Maybe stop trying to understand conversation and just listen to it and react.
I don’t know how to listen anymore. I’m not gonna lie and say that I quit trying to listen, but i’m really out of touch with reality. I want to sleep all day and let the days go by. I go days without showering, brushing my teeth, and i’m conscious about it. I feel like a bum. I have little to say, and I do very little. I’m looking for a job, but how am I suppose to get a job when I don’t even take care of myself? My life truly sucks.
its all state of mind,
fix it if u want to
THe only one that can really fix this is you. If you really want to, then you’ll find a way. When people talk to you, pretend your an acter or look into their eyes and tell them whats truthfully on your mind about the topic there speacking on. Being alone isn’t bad at all, its just called being a loner (like myself.) The more you keep yourself away from people all the time though you’ll really start to hurt you. The way people are made are like some herd animals, without others sometimes we just don’t work.
Sometimes just go outside and walk around, you don’t have to talk to anyone or anything, just remember to always be yourself though.
I am a loner. But it bother’s me that I don’t want to be a loner. Super_moon_child, what if you go on job interviews, and they are trying to know if you are a people person? Are you suppose to tell them that you are a loner?
No, you grit your teeth into a smile, lie and say you’re friendly, make up a girl/boyfriend, whatever. Then after you get the job, you can be yourself. And maybe you’ll be around people enough that they’ll get to know you and like you?
That make’s sense Miguel. I pray that, whatever it is i’m going through, I will be set free of fear and humiliation.
Hey… so I’ve been having the same problems as well, only I’ve never fully attempted suicide. I have thought about it plenty of times… I just don’t have the lack of heart to go through with it.. I am in a relationship and have been for 2 years. I have had the same job for almost a year and I have grown to have these problems. I feel like I just can’t love anymore. When I’m working I feel it is the only time where I can enjoy or express myself. Outside of work I am just another body. If you have found out some sort of solution for yourself then I would love to know it so I could try to fix that about myself. I hope you fixed yours though!