i have always been a weird person and i have never been able to explain myself to other people properly. i’ve therefore developed an instinct of looking “normal” in my day to day life and keeping my own feelings and opinions to myself all the time so that e.g. i won’t be bullied at school, i won’t be shunned by my colleagues at work, i won’t be scolded by my parents etc.. i also never trusted people easily due to bad memories and experiences, mostly due to ex-boyfriends that i was stupid enough to open up to only to be turned down and dumped or simply treated like trash.
but recently, i really thought and believed from the bottom of my heart that everything was going wonderful. i have been with my boyfriend for about a year and i was looking for a house. i got a new job with nice co-workers and doing what i wanted to do and just feeling content if not happy with myself in general when my boyfriend asked me to move in together. it took me a really long time to trust him, but by then i was completely in love with him and i’d trust him with my life. we looked for the perfect place for “us” and for “our” future for a long time and finally moved in a month ago. i dont have many friends but all my co-workers and even my parents were happy for me.
after 4 weeks, he realized he can’t live with me and he doesn’t even love me anymore. the home contract belongs to him (though we pay the rent together) so basically he’s kicking me out, dumping me and leaving me with absolutely no one to support me because he’s the person whose support i’d seek in a situation like this. i am so tired of all the pain, all the disappointment, so tired of bursting in to tears every time i enter the kitchen because it was supposed to be “our” kitchen..
i want to tell myself  “you’re stronger than this, you’ve been alone all your life and you managed, you got over so many arses like him before” but what’s the point? i’ll never find the love of my life, and if i do i’ll never be able to trust him. actually i don’t think i’ll trust anyone else ever again..
i just wake up every morning crying just because i woke up.. all in all, i guess i need some advise cause everything is so painful and pointless right now..
8 comments
this post almost made me cry.. i know how your feeling 🙁
like really i do, i have had a similar situation with love.. and now i feel like just dieing, but i am here, i will be your friend and try to support you through whatever, you can email me at anytime emilytaylo_@hotmail.co.uk
i know that seems like pointless advice but really i dont know what to say, as i know how your feeling.. and im not gonna say “oh you will get over him and find someone else” because i know it doesnt always work like that..
How old are you? The first person you trust is yourself, and the first person you learn to love is yourself….when you cultivate love in your own heart, then it can be shared. You have to have something to give first. We’ve all make rash decisions…but you need to make choices from a clear, and grounded place. Sounds like you have your head in the clouds and I don’t mean to sound harsh but the point needs to be made that you’re the one administrating your life and (though you love your bf,) he’s not the one who is responsible for your happiness or well being….you are! Good luck.
Ok so he & you were not for each other. Alot of people fined that once there lived with each other. that normal you not weird. That’s life but your find some one I know it hurtin you now give it time.
why is it that most of sickness of life comes from a broken relationship?..love and all the crap that comes with it..every time u fall u thiunk that’s it..u will never trust or love or smile again..but u know u will. if you let yourself..your mind imprisoned you in a negative cell of selfcomplex. let yourself oput ! . what do u enjoy most?..do u have a hobby?..do u like pets?..anything in this world that inspires u?..for a moment put a side the pain and broken love – and ask yourself – what have u done for yourself?. i agree absolutely with Softsoul – take time to learn to love Yourself first..fullfill your heart with love towards life – ..whatever it is there ..if u love sun or rain or let’s say chocolate – try to get deep into understanding – that simplest things around u will help u to learn love yourself..find ur hobby – build yourself mentally strong (as you are a strong person _ no time to give up !) ..no regrets or looking back ! we can’t change past -therefore dont waste your present living past… but learn from it …instead of crying and blaming yourself or surrounding – you get up , you look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are strong, beautiful and you can all you want ! and have all you want !..(might sound funny , but helps to create self confidence)..if there is no one to tell you that – then you are the one telling yourself things u need.! ..remember our mind is the strongest tool ..you are and you see what you think! take time to change your way of thinking!…look around – try to be near positive people – and u will see how their positive energy makes any kind of tragedy they will have in their life – much different..
She just got kicked out of her home, Fuck that shit,
insurance job, Y should he get it, It was both yours.
Fuck men are assholes.
Your not weird,
just defensive,
I bet u regret letting your guard down.
Rule 1: Dont trust anyone
Rule 2: Dont trust people you love, people change
Rule 3: Always be prepared when shit hits the fan.
If it was me, i would murder him, but apparently there should be a better reason for death according to my sister.
Just go, to a new place and start again, live for yourself.
I’m sorry. We humans are social creatures and as such yearn for connection, we do trust, sometimes unwisely, but for Gods sake, we are human and need to trust. I am sorry but in the end it is not another person that makes us love ourselves, it is, ourselves. You can do this, it hurts but such, I fear, is an occasional part of life. I think there is a line in ‘Peter Pan’ where we are told that Peter can not feel love because he is unwilling to feel loss – love entails at least the possibility of loss. It is, I am told, worth it.
By the way your former BF is something of a bastard to throw you out of your home, particularly since you had made all the giving up to move in. You will get over him.
As another weirdo, and as someone who gets close to friends only for them to leave in the end, and as someone who’s battled depression for most of his life, and as someone who thinks he’s fairly empathetic, I wanna say that life is not constant and it often will not make any logical sense. There are ups and downs and streaks of sadness and trying times and also happy times and optimism and also pessimism and despair and sometimes it seems like the sad times will never end and everyone leaves you but other times the happiness is too much to handle and you just wanna jump out your window and hug strangers and tell them they’re great and you love them. Or at least this is my experience with life.
thank you very much for the support and the kind words everyone!
at this point i think i’m just looking for a bit of empathy and human connection as i feel like i lost all emotions, including even hatred and anger. I guess it’ll help me move on once i can get angry at my ex but right now i’m basically not feeling anything.
so thanks everyone for your opinions and yes sometimes just slapping someone across the face and saying “get up on your feet, you’re stronger than this!” is also kindness.
and by the way I am 28 but you can say that i was never an emotionally mature person. i also think that sometimes i make very naive mistakes exactly because i was never very experienced in social interactions. maybe that’s why it sounded like my head is in the clouds. and i know it will get better over time, but it just feels like it’s gonna take a long time..