i cant do it

I don’t know what’s going on in your life, but dying won’t fix it. It’s only going to hurt the people that you know you don’t want to hurt. You’ve got a son, you know it wouldn’t be fair to him, imagine him growing up knowing his father left him alone on purpose. I know how it feels to have a parent kill commit suicide. You can’t help but feel guilty, like it was your fault, like you could’ve changed something to stop it, like you just weren’t a good enough reason for them to stay alive. There are so many alternatives to fixing things, you can get help, it’s not too late. And I can’t believe that you would want your son or your father going through that loss when it was unnecessary. Talk to somebody, even a therapist.
Death is never forgiving, if anything it’s the opposite, it brings too much pain to everybody else that gets stuck with living.