i’ve always hated myself. i just never really wanted to believe it. i always felt that things would get better. that shit was only temporary. but shit has stayed the same. why am i so afraid of life? why can’t i be social? why is every body pushing me away from them? everything hurts me. my mind makes things worse than needs to be. i try not to let it but it takes over. i have no place in this fucking world. HELLO!!! somebody please notice me. notice the pain and the hurt, which i hide so well. I’m afraid to live. But I’m afraid to die. well, not afraid to die…afraid to do it myself. why can’t i just not wake up one day? if only it was that easy. one day i’ll get the courage. not the courage to start a life of happiness, that does not exist. not the courage to be part of a group of friends, i’m not wanted. i’m talking about the courage to end it all. how will it be? a bottle of pill? sitting in the garage with the engine on? hanging myself? i really do not know. but only that courage will come. i know it will.