i’ve always hated myself. i just never really wanted to believe it. i always felt that things would get better. that shit was only temporary. but shit has stayed the same. why am i so afraid of life? why can’t i be social? why is every body pushing me away from them? everything hurts me. my mind makes things worse than needs to be. i try not to let it but it takes over. i have no place in this fucking world. HELLO!!! somebody please notice me. notice the pain and the hurt, which i hide so well. I’m afraid to live. But I’m afraid to die. well, not afraid to die…afraid to do it myself. why can’t i just not wake up one day? if only it was that easy. one day i’ll get the courage. not the courage to start a life of happiness, that does not exist. not the courage to be part of a group of friends, i’m not wanted. i’m talking about the courage to end it all. how will it be? a bottle of pill? sitting in the garage with the engine on? hanging myself? i really do not know. but only that courage will come. i know it will.
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jynxngayolX@aol.com
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clnrch7@yahoo.ca I notice the pain….I see you!…I know you feel it and think it…I encourage you to not believe it…I feel the same. I choose to like myself despite the shattering evidence that is to the contrary. It ain’t easy, no question…I feel ya.
I know its not easy at all when everything seems so dark and lonesome but things will get better. People who have so much less than you are fighting for life adn will loose their battle. PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU AND WISH YOUT HE BEST. you might not see it, and it might not seem like its true, but it is and even though things may not seem like they will be alright, they will be. try to seem optimistic and be open minded. try to notice the little things, that is what has helped me.
I feel you too Deadlock….It’s like you’ve died but you continue to breathe. You are powerless to how affect change. I wish I knew you…Not because I think your wonderful or amazing [ remember I don’t know you] but because I ABSOLUTELY know where you are [ I’m there too] and having read your post it comforted me to know I’m not the only one. Feeling valued is the most important thing in the world to connect you with others…I don’t feel valued but I wish I could make you. Don’t take pills…it’s a painful way to go. Your vital organs shut down one by one as your kidney’s spasm to expel the foreign matter…it’s long and very very painful and you are conscious the entire time. You have courage already….writing that post is incredibly courageous. Do you feel like you want to live but no idea how to LIKE life? I know I do. I’m a stranger I know, but I can hear your cries for help. Maybe we can help each other.