I’ve felt this way for a long time. It rings true in my mind, everytime I think it: I’m a real asshole.
I don’t have any friends. Well, besides my sister, I guess. (I feel lucky to have her.) The flat out truth is, I am just awful with people. I’m wildly insecure and have a huge inferiority complex, so I constantly say things to piss people off or hurt their feelings. I’ve tried stopping, but then loneliness takes over, and the realization that nobody likes me. So I lash out at people, resentful that they don’t want to be my friend.
Please, understand. I hate me. I wouldn’t want to be around me, if I was someone else, either. I’ve held a knife to my arm and my neck, but I always chicken out. It would destroy my family, and I couldn’t do that to them.
So, what do I do? I’m deeply depressed because I’m such an immature idiot.