‘im a 15 year old girl. when i was ten my mom would verbally abuse me in front of ANYONE when ever somebody else got her mad. and a couple of hours later she’d act like it didnt happen. i tried running away multiple times. somebody always found me. thats when the suicidle thoughts began. becuase of my FUCKING MOM . i always tried to find comfort in other places. like my dad. hes a fucking drunk with no heart, what so ever. then on to my three brothers. the oldest one, hes a jerk always beating me up. and that shit REALLY pisses me off. then the middle one. he hates me. and im not really sure why. i guess its cause my mom doesnt like my sister. which isnt really her daughters. shes my dads. my brother keeps saying “why dont you just kill your self already?” i think he sees that i want to. then theres my youngest older brother, he doesnt have a care for the world. i could be bleeding with a axe in my head. and he’ll say”oh cool” like what the fuck! then theres my sister. we never really connected untill last summer . so i -like – dumb ass thought i could go to her with some help with my thoughts her respons was ” if you kill your self im calling you a ***** for quitting on life, and if you dont im calling you a ***** for not pulling through.” so now im ranting on about how much my life sucks. well you might think it doesnt. but from on this end, its not the best. and in school im scared to death what people say about me. becuase i think the male think im a slut and im ” down to fuck” i fucked one guy. and i thought i was pregnate. that made me want to kill my self even more. so hear and see what my family has to say about my mistake. most of the time now i just sit in my room in the dark with what ever liquors in my house . with a razor. and slice my skin and drink my pain away. its starting to get harder and harder hiding my arms from my family. but i dont want them to see, cause they’ll send me to a hospital. and when i tried to show my “best friend” my arms he says. i thought you was too cool for that. so im guessing cool people dont have pain? but its what ever . there all going to miss me when im finally gone. bunch of fuckers.
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Please see a counselor. It is not wrong to get help. Your school probably has one. Your family is not very good to you, but there are many people who are genuinely kind.
There actually are some decent people worth living to meet. There’s also some other people who think life’s not worth living at all. So you’re not alone even though that’s exactly how you feel.
I say dedicate it all to a search for whoever the * it is that’s going to make you feel glad that you’re still alive
And be careful with that razor. i know, “its dangerous” bleh bleh bleh but i *ing unzipped my skin by complete accident- like it actually DOES happen, you go too deep and you see all your tissue and fat and muscle and its burned into your head forever.
Best way to avoid it is by slicing slowly and watching closely. watching closely is pretty fun anyways.
Interesting…. I think I have an idea of how you feel, well from personal experience just keep trying, who knows… Notice how you keep calling for help… How about fixing yourself? When people see how you overcame your horror.. and even better after you fix yourself up live a better life then your brothers and sisters.. That will give them envy and therefore they will want you back teats when you can decide to forgive them or not but think wisely, when I was in your position I still survived, I don’t recommend cutting yourself… What if you find a real friend? and then you look at your scars and remember what kind of a person you used to be…. My scars are filled with memories…. Keep trying you can make it remember your still 15… you still got maybe 85 years left of your life… Maybe those 5 years are just the bad ones just wait after 10 years when your out of you’r house? Think of all the fun you will then have.