First off let me start off by appolozing for my horrible grammar and spelling errors…this id rather hard for me to write but I push out the words as I best can…
My life hasn’t been the worst but in my very short life I’ve been through a lot, after steping away from drugs and liqour ..self harm and other self distructive ways I’ve dealt with life…I attempt so despratly to look at the positive side of life…. I always seam to run out of things to be greatfull for… I try to keep the faithand hope that things will get better but I don’t know how long I’ll be able to LIE to myself…
The contemplating suicide. Started when I was fifteen….I had two attempts.I promised never again ….but I think about it 24/7…
It’s like I always have known i’d die by MY OWN HANDS…
I don’t know why but. I know that’s how it’ll end… its hard to look towards the future I see everything but myself in it…
I don’t want to ..DIE…
But I know I will… and I know how…
It’s crazy I’ve never told anyone about this for the fear that they’d think I’m insane….
But I feel like I must say that ….if it happens…..it was not just beause I wanted it but because IT HAD TO HAPPEN…. it’s the only way out… </3
4 comments
Death is inevitable. What better way than for it to be on your terms. But you said you don’t want to. Hope isn’t a lie. If you still have it, hold on to it.
i dont want to die…but. i dont want to live… i just dont want to be me anymore…i fear that… when i die….everything ive been trying to deny…trying to disprove…. will be my fate…. i have really bad lows and highs… i think ill have a very bad low and kill myself without really wanting to die…just a spur of the moment….and when i have super highs… i do this i could easily have lost…or lose my life… thats why i think ill end up doing it… i wish things were diffrent i wish i wasnt me…i wish i could live and enjoy life…but i cant… the part of me that hates life doesnt let me live…
You dont need to, theres a million ways to fix anything, but most people would rather kill themselves before trying extremes and thinking outside the box
Isn’t the part that hates life the same as the part that doesn’t want to end it on bad terms. Maybe you could change the current life before ending it. If you’re still insistent, then don’t act on a spur of the moment. Make a cool and calculated decision when you make the choice (ie. sleep on it or give a few days).