Ive officially lost my marbles ive been blanking out more then usual sometimes i do stupid things when i blank out.For example,yesterday in school we were eatin lunch my friendsÂ A andÂ P got up to go somewhere and my friend Y comes out sayin that i purposley tried to trip them she said i stuck my foot out and everything and keep in mind i have no reccolection of this what so ever.I did something BAD last nightÂ Y and P already knew about me getting molested.I kinda texted them both and again keep in mind i have been molested this is exactly what i texted both of them:im really sorry i lied ive never been molested it was all just a big lie to get attention and now i feel bad so im really sorry.In return p texted WTF! ru lien now? did u tell Y u *****! Y responded by calling me but i didnt pick up.I have this fear of talking to people in general because when you talk you can hear the persons emotions and im certain they can here my emotions too.Im more sensitive to peoples emotions no matter how hard you try to hide it i can always see right through you ill always know whats wrong and i HATE that! Now my their not talkin to me and basically they hate me but the thing is i did all of that on porpuse i lied to them about the truth them knowing was putting SO much pressure on me and i never wanted friends in the first place because i prefer to be alone.I don’t know if im supposed to be feeling bad about this or not ive just been feeling so lifeless lately.Last night (thank god my parents werent home) because if they were home i really Â think i would have really murdered them all.I saw it claerly in my mind i would slice my parents throats and them procede to my sisters.I just remember what went through my mind was how fun it would be if i could accomplish that.I really am as fucked up in the head as my mother says maybe even more fucked up.I found out one of my aunts is bi polar so thats interesting i mean she pratically raised me and ive never seen her go bananas.
Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â p.s:the whole jesus camp thing i made up the name i forgot what my mother called ( my memory sucks barely remember what i did 5 minutes ago no joke) it but it has something to do with him.I have a nickname in school i am known as (by most of the boys) confused girl i like it.