Ive officially lost my marbles ive been blanking out more then usual sometimes i do stupid things when i blank out.For example,yesterday in school we were eatin lunch my friends A and P got up to go somewhere and my friend Y comes out sayin that i purposley tried to trip them she said i stuck my foot out and everything and keep in mind i have no reccolection of this what so ever.I did something BAD last night Y and P already knew about me getting molested.I kinda texted them both and again keep in mind i have been molested this is exactly what i texted both of them:im really sorry i lied ive never been molested it was all just a big lie to get attention and now i feel bad so im really sorry.In return p texted WTF! ru lien now? did u tell Y u *****! Y responded by calling me but i didnt pick up.I have this fear of talking to people in general because when you talk you can hear the persons emotions and im certain they can here my emotions too.Im more sensitive to peoples emotions no matter how hard you try to hide it i can always see right through you ill always know whats wrong and i HATE that! Now my their not talkin to me and basically they hate me but the thing is i did all of that on porpuse i lied to them about the truth them knowing was putting SO much pressure on me and i never wanted friends in the first place because i prefer to be alone.I don’t know if im supposed to be feeling bad about this or not ive just been feeling so lifeless lately.Last night (thank god my parents werent home) because if they were home i really  think i would have really murdered them all.I saw it claerly in my mind i would slice my parents throats and them procede to my sisters.I just remember what went through my mind was how fun it would be if i could accomplish that.I really am as fucked up in the head as my mother says maybe even more fucked up.I found out one of my aunts is bi polar so thats interesting i mean she pratically raised me and ive never seen her go bananas.
          p.s:the whole jesus camp thing i made up the name i forgot what my mother called ( my memory sucks barely remember what i did 5 minutes ago no joke) it but it has something to do with him.I have a nickname in school i am known as (by most of the boys) confused girl i like it.
3 comments
Maybe it’s your hormones. But your mom really loves you so perhaps you should play ball, listen to her and perhaps try some therapy too..just to calm you down a bit.
I hate being a empath. Its not fun having people despise you, when your just trying to protect yourself.
Ive live my life, trappd in the emotions of others. Most the time i feel like i have no emotions except when people are around me. i thought everyone could feel how i felt but they cant. if your friends were really your friends they would of realised your just defending yourself and wouldnt of cared. You dont need anyone.
Everyone in my family is bi-polar or psycho in someway. I cant stand still with out seeing life being ripped out of someone by me. Like sitting on the bus and just wishing nothing would happend if i just “cut sick” and massacre everyone. I know nothing will come out good for me, But the thought is kinda calming,
As much as i know about the art of death and the no matter how much i want to do it, I cant do it without a reason. No-one really deserves death
Its no-one place but their own to say when their ganna die.
You can control your brain, Its your brain. Do what ever you want
But this world, has been made to bureaucratically. You cant get anywhere without knowing people, its unfair. Dont be confused, Be smart, Knowledge is the only thing that can save everyone.
Plan and plan and plan
try pot, It represses dreams and emotions
Bubbles i LOVE YOU