Happy I found this site again after over a year with searching 🙂
Anyway, there’s a reason I found it again, I’m as lost and feeling down as I did last time I was here.
The title explains my feelings now.. I’m 23 years old soon, still in school, guess you call it High School, at least in my country it’s the school you attend to from you are 16-19.
23 years old… And still here…
Or actually, I’m not, because I just got kicked out because of too much absence. Now I’m in a position where I have no income, no money at all, I have rent to pay, other bills, and no money.. I owe money to friends that has been so kind to borrow me, but I can’t ask them for more. I’ve tried to get a job for about 3-4 months now, without any luck.
All this is making me feel so worthless and such a failure. I just got a boyfriend (unbeliavable), and I’m so embarassed because he is in college, taking a master-degree in this super advanced subject..
Everytime I meet some of his friends and they ask me what I do, I don’t know what to say, so I “lie” and tell them that I am attending Journalism this fall (which I hope to do, but probably won’t since I never get done with “high school”).
I can’t ask my mother for money or help, my dad has already helped me. I can’t move back home to them..
Also my new boyfriend I met by some other friends, and I later got to know that he and another friend of mine dated about a year ago. This really bothers me, and I’ve found pictures of her on his computer, and all the pictures he has of me, I’m with her in the photo. I know they ended their “relationship” very sudden, without talking about it, so I’m guessing he’s not over her yet. I put these crazy thoughts in my head and blow it up bigger than it probably is, but I don’t know how to stop it…
All I wanna do is think about myself and end everything, all my life I’ve forgotten to think about myself, because I always put others before me. I’m an ex-cutter, haven’t cut in 16-17 months, but lately I’ve felt the urge to do it. All this money, school and self-esteem problems is bringing me down again and I don’t know how to get myself back up there anymore… 🙁
I’ll never be anything.