I’m a newcomer to the site, I’m female (15 yrs.) and want to end my suffering.
You may think I’m dumb,crazy,messed up, or whatever but take a mile long walk in my shoes…
Everyone thinks I have the perfect life: cool and easy going parents, lotsÂ of friends, middle class, etc.
But in reality my life sucks.
I feel like I fail at everything I do. I’ve been getting into random fights with everyone lately, including my best friend, for no appearent reason.
Now my brother (13 yrs) has a high case of autisim. I love him to death. But I’m worried that later on, that I’ll let him down. I’m not exactly the smartest person, my worse class is math. But I have a strong feeling that when I’m older that I won’t be succesful, have a nice house or w.e and won’t be able to take care of him.
You’re probably thinking that maybe I’m pressured into all this, well you’re wrong.
I bottle all my feelings, I hide them from my closest friends and my family.
I get home and let them out, but for some reason I can’t do that anymore.
So then I turned to something I swore that I’d ever do: Cutting.
I’ve done it about 5-6 times, sure not a lot but the cuts are pretty deep considering.
You might also think they’re on my arms or wrists, but yet again you are wrong.
I cut my thighs so no one can see or even ask.
I feel like I let everyone down and have no reason to live, for what good am I?
An absurdity like I should be revoked the privilages of living.
If you have any advice on how to commit a clean suicide or even advice as to how I shouldn’t commit it, please comment or something…