My mums mum killed herself13 years ago. It comes in the family, mum used to work in a hospital (in a ward for old people)Â a few moths ago and I remember when one patient died and mum told me that she was jealous for him to get away from here. Mum is also depressed and so am I.
I have tried to kill myself a couple of times and been on hospital for my suicidal act. Now I am really desperate, I have been treated many years and nothing has helped. Some time ago mum and I were having a good conversation and she mentioned that sometimes she had been considering of driving towards a big car when I’m in it too. So that I would’nt have to stay alive and cry and wonder why mum did it.
Nowadays, mum has mentioned that she doesn’t know why to live, but she want’s to cope for me. She wants to see my children and be a grandmother for my kids. She wants to see me marry a wonderful man and how I succeed. She lives for me, she doesn’t want to do something that horrible for me.
And I live for my mum. Without her, I would’ve committed suicide for long ago – in the end I wouldn’t have called an ambulance because I want to hug mum one last time. I just am unable to do it even if I can’t bare anything anymore.
So I am asking all of you mothers reading this, in this kind of position how terrible would it be your kid (17 year old) suggesting a double-suicide?
I know that mum has really hard time. I have really hard time. I know we both want out from here, and we both struggle because of each other. Why should we suffer if we both do want to die? But I am scared to tell this for mum, in case she’s overcome her thoughts from before. I am considering whether I tell mum that I seriously want to die but can’t because of her, or I call to my therapist and tell her I want to get into hospital.
The most I want to die, but I can’t if I know that mum will stay here. But I just can’t cope anymore. Can I ask mum if she lets me kill myself? How traumatic would it be for her? Because she’s been thinking of killing her. She could understand. So can I? Please, any mother – or father – answer, please.
4 comments
Hey,
I’m sorry, I’m no mum or dad.
But I find it so sad that you, who are only 17, want to kill yourself. And also that your mother does.
My impression is that your grandmother’s suicide has greatly affected your mom, and that her talk of suicide has in turn affected you.
What I think is missing here is love for yourself.
It must be so hard to love yourself if your own mom talks of wanting to die. You probably don’t feel good enough, if you can’t make her want to live?
But I suggest you start to love yourself. Find things you love about your own personality and appearance and mind.
Practise loving yourself, comforting yourself, even giving yourself a hug.
Find things you enjoy doing, things you are good at, things you are drawn to.
It might take a lot of work, but one day, when you can truly and honestly feel that you love yourself, others will start loving you too, maybe including your mother.
If you set a good example, maybe she might even start to love herself one day?
Best wishes 🙂
Daniel
But my mum does love me, that’s why she hasn’t killed herself. I do not feel I’m not enough. Life just isn’t for me. I don’t think mum’s depression has affected me – all that speach was after I first time attempted suicide and got into mental hospital. And my depression isn’t the cause of grandmums suicide, I’ve been told that people want to kill me and that I make everyone crazy. Mums depression got worse after my suicidal act. It was more like I caused mums depression I guess…
I just can’t take life any more. And I am so tired for me being so tired. It’s complicated, I mean, mental hospital, rehabilitation house, drugs, therapy, psycholog, psychiatrics… I’ve been like this since I was 10. In seven years nothing has changed.
There’s just nothing to face anymore but death.
But I love mum too much to kill myself and she loves me too much to kill herself. I just don’t have the courage to tell her that we could both die at the same time, the same way.
Sorry, I made assumptions and went off topic.
I hope you find peace.
I don’t know anything about this really, I’m not sure what to say here, I’m only 13 and I’m feeling really bad about everything. I thought I had it bad but shit. I think you should try and live for yourself for a change, maybe you shouldn’t live for your mom and try and make a life for yourself try and have a normal highschool experience in that your mother may be depressed but you don’t have to he. I usually don’t want to kill myself very much when I’m focused on stuff, I hope I helped in anyway because if you die you lose everything you know? I think you and I have to much stuff to see and do before we die, Maybe I’m just the pot calling the kettle black.