My mums mum killed herself13 years ago. It comes in the family, mum used to work in a hospital (in a ward for old people)Â a few moths ago and I remember when one patient died and mum told me that she was jealous for him to get away from here. Mum is also depressed and so am I.
I have tried to kill myself a couple of times and been on hospital for my suicidal act. Now I am really desperate, I have been treated many years and nothing has helped. Some time ago mum and I were having a good conversation and she mentioned that sometimes she had been considering of driving towards a big car when I’m in it too. So that I would’nt have to stay alive and cry and wonder why mum did it.
Nowadays, mum has mentioned that she doesn’t know why to live, but she want’s to cope for me. She wants to see my children and be a grandmother for my kids. She wants to see me marry a wonderful man and how I succeed. She lives for me, she doesn’t want to do something that horrible for me.
And I live for my mum. Without her, I would’ve committed suicide for long ago – in the end I wouldn’t have called an ambulance because I want to hug mum one last time. I just am unable to do it even if I can’t bare anything anymore.
So I am asking all of you mothers reading this, in this kind of position how terrible would it be your kid (17 year old) suggesting a double-suicide?
I know that mum has really hard time. I have really hard time. I know we both want out from here, and we both struggle because of each other. Why should we suffer if we both do want to die? But I am scared to tell this for mum, in case she’s overcome her thoughts from before. I am considering whether I tell mum that I seriously want to die but can’t because of her, or I call to my therapist and tell her I want to get into hospital.
The most I want to die, but I can’t if I know that mum will stay here. But I just can’t cope anymore. Can I ask mum if she lets me kill myself? How traumatic would it be for her? Because she’s been thinking of killing her. She could understand. So can I? Please, any mother – or father – answer, please.