I have been reading posts for a couple weeks now and it is so sad that there are so many young people on here in so much pain. I am 37 and have always had some depression but nothing like the last couple months. In November I decided I wanted to end it all so I have decided to do it at the end of this month. It has been a challenge waiting that long but didnt want to ruin the holidays for the family and also wanted to see my dad one last time which I am doing next week. Why do I want to end it all? Well like I said I am 37, never been married and no kids. I have always thought I would have that dream family with the white picket fence blah blah blah and the sad thing is I could have had that many times by now but was too stupid or just not ready to commit and now pretty much everyone I know has that family and I am here alone. And now it seems like I just attract all the crazy women! I know that I am not too old to still have a family but I have gotten to the point that I hate the person that i am and have become and just cant live with myself any more. I am so incredibly tired that I literally need to pull myself out of bed in the morning just to let the dog out. Its not that I dont like living, I’m just not very good at it so the end is near and it cant come soon enough….
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
10 comments
Seems like my exact situation….many regrets….just can’t face making my family suffer so I am going to hang on. When my parents will go I will follow but for now I will sit tight and wait. Just can’t do it to my family…..
That is the hardest part about it is hurting my family. If it wasnt for them I would have done it years ago and it would be sooo much easier but I am going to be selfish for once in my life….
Try waiting a bit longer so that they won’t suffer…please….!!!!!!!!!
That could be another 10, 15, 20 years! or longer! thats more then a “bit longer” and I cant handle this life any more. Too much pain, too much greed. I dont know where you live but I am in the US and this country has gone to hell and I am to the point where I cant stand people in general, everyone is just out for themselves and could care less about anyone else. I dont want to live in a world like that.
I have felt for a long time that I was supposed to have been miscarried as an embryo because I don’t have what it takes to survive in this world, I am missing some essential human element. The only thing I can come up with is that god decided to play a really cruel joke by giving the illusion that my family had–has–this healthy child, while forcing me to choose between playing the part or crushing my family. Like you, I don’t know how much longer I can hang on. I, too, would have died long ago if not for them.
It’s seems twisted to me, that people think death by suicide is the “easy way out.” There is NOTHING easy about being suicidal, and for years and years, no less. People don’t consider dying of cancer or heart disease or ALS selfish. Why are psychiatric disabilities considered so different? I know the pain, I do. I don’t know your pain, no, but I know the pain of chronic suicidality and having to face the decision every fucking day.
I hope that you are able to find the relief you need and that it will come to you in life rather than in death. I hope that for you as I sit here contemplating my own options. I know the pain.
You sound exactly like me. I’m 36 will be 37 in October of this year and my life has been a constant struggle for the last 16 years and I’ve had enough. Yes this country has gone to hell and people especially the younger generations seem so narcissistic and selfish its pathetic. I’m not sure what happened but I used be friends with alot of old hippie types when I was a teenager and they were so kind and caring and had some honor. It just isn’t like this anymore. Maybe its all the movies, television and music that has brain washed everyone.
I think that you shouldn’t look at being 37 and unmarried as a bad thing, maybe you should think of it as a good thing, and do things that make you happy, like your hobbies and stuff. After all, you could be 37 and in a really shitty marriage. Be happy with yourself, and the right woman will come along. Try to look for women to date who are not exactly your type, they may be good for you. You can be happy, I know it 🙂
Cheers
I’m 50. I’ve had the marriage, kids, etc. Depression has been my career. It’s the one thing I just don’t let up on–regardless of counseling, medication, exercise. I know hopelessness. All any of us want is to feel better, and that’s hard to do when we are our own worst bullies. I’m the last person to give advice and I wish I had an answer. You’re so young! I wasn’t much better at 37 than I am now. Don’t give in is what I’m telling myself right now. Don’t give in, there may be really great moments or full films ahead of you. The world is cosmetic and vain, I can only say that walking is free, the birds are there, and if scenery is scarce, a tree is a miracle. Read a classic just to take yourself out of the misery. “The Land Where the Blues Began” by Alan Lomax. Incredible. Don’t leave
Although I’m 10 years younger than you (not too ‘old’, and not too ‘young’ too), I can really relate with what you’re feeling. and especially of how you’re sick and can’t stand the people in general anymore because they reek selfishness and my guess is they’re also so full of superficiality in this materialism-era.
If anything, you sound like a really good, sincere, honest person, and it’s an unfortunate widespread reality that the ‘good, honest, sincere’ people are having REALLY hard times in this 21st era today.
But if there’s anything that can act as a consolation, or a Hope,
IMO it would be year 2012.
Now, I know that you might easily be like “what?..I don’t believe in such myth stuff!”, but trust me that I used to not believe in it too, but after doing further study, readings, and researches (Internet is a very good resource, and it’s FREE. check out articles, online forums, critical discussions etc on the vast Net), there are more and more certainty that SOMETHING BIG will definitely happen in year 2012.
And although some might say it’s doomsday and sort of, but there are also a lot who say (& actually predict) it’s going to be the beginning of a NEW ERA, they even have a term for it: “Golden Era”. just go google it.
Some spiritual gurus and psychics (if you’re an open-minded enough a person) have predicted, along with the scientific and natural signs that’s going to happen in year 2012, that a LOT of big, huge things, even including government secrets will be uncovered, bare naked, and there will therefore basically be a HUGE Global spiritual awakening, and humans for the first time can *CHOOSE* to whether still stay in this ‘stench materialism’ lower plane/dimension, or to *ascent* to a higher dimension.
You might not believe in all these, I understand, especially for the first time (like I did too). but just google it for yourself, or buy books or tapes regarding 2012.
At least if all fails,..I still view it as a signs of HOPE, at last!
I might even hold out to live, just to see that D-day of 21 December 2012 (they said it’s the “beginning of everything NEW”, not necessarily dooms and glooms).
So that’s at least something to LOOK FORWARD to, in this stinky humanity.