This feeling is strange. This mixture of despair and hopelessness.
It’s always been there, but something is different today.
I feel like I’m losing everything. Like I’m trapped. Like all my efforts are futile.
I always give up one addiction in exchange for another.
Cutting, burning, scratching, burning, anorexia, burning, oxycodone.
Now I’m addicted to food.
I’ve gained 20 pounds in the last year.
I sort of want to go back to burning myself again. No one would notice. Only one person knows I ever did. Screw her. She wouldn’t care if I went back to doing it, anyway.
I dunno. It’s strange. I want to vomit right now, from how much I just ate. Somehow this is more painful than any of my other addictions. It’s causing other complications now, having other ramnifications on my health.
I can’t be anorexic again, though. I dunno. I can’t give up food now.
I have to find another addiction, I guess. Lately I’ve been craving cigarettes.
Hmm. Maybe cigarettes.
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don’t bother with cigarette’s, you could use that money on something better then waste it on them. Try looking for good “addictions”
Writing, biking, running. And when you feel like excessively eating, don’t. Buy a can of food for someone who really needs food at your local shelter, instead of feeding it to yourself when you “think” you need it. Just eat a small meal until you’re full and wait a few hours, eat an apple and then another meal hours later. and no snacking just before bed, I know its hard to resist, but just don’t. 🙂 AND NO BURNING YOURSELF!
You can get through this.