The white wolf in me

What’s my dream? What’s my future? I had a dream once. I wanted to be a police officer. It never happened and I don’t think it ever will come true. Once I thought I could do every thing I wanted to do if I put my mind to it. But come to realize that I’m on able to do so. I feel like that I’m a prisoner to my own mind. That I’m trapped here for a reason, but what is that reason? I’m 20 years old and still don’t know what it could be. Some times I figure that I can’t move on. I finely graduated from high school but it wasn’t easy. I feel like people hate me and the only reason they talk to me is cause they don’t want to hurt my feelings. I will never find a man to love me. I will never get married and have kids. You know I don’t know what I want some times. One day I wish that I were dead and others I want to live a life of dreams. I dream of a life that has wanders and happiness. I close my eyes and vision my self standing on a mountain ledge looking over a hill side watching a heard of horses running free and the little ones playing in the field of wild flowers with no cares in the world. I open my eyes and I’m standing there a way from the hurt and sorrow. But instead I open my eyes to a place of my nightmares. I wont to be a wolf. A beautiful white wolf. Standing on the snowy hillside watching a heard of deer. Waiting for one slip up. Running as fast as I can not thinking of a reason for doing so. With out worrying about some one else other then me. Feeling the wind in my fur and the snow hitting my nose and tong. Stopping to smell every thing around me. Sniffing the fresh cold air. Hearing the footsteps of small and large animals. To live with out fear and pain, now wont that be a sight. Brave, Freedom, Strength, courage how awesome would that be. Just think about it. The wolf in side of me wants to fight for freedom fight for its life. Or should I run, run like I always do?