The last four months have been painful and hopeless. Â Things are getting worse and I can only see this continuing. Â My mind is fried and my spirit raked. Â Suicidal thoughts are constant, I want this to end. Â I am unable to make sense of what happened in my head so I’m not sure I can adequately describe it here, but here goes.
I was happy. Â Things were good. Â I felt confidence. I saw purpose in my life. I saw a way to continue. I knew who I was. Â My brain was working. It ended so suddenly, fuck me this sucks.
I allowed my family into my home, they were coming to be helpful. In less than an hour of being with them I was crushed. I can’t get away from them. Â I am vulnerable to them. Â Their words cause me harm. How they acted hurt me. It destroyed me. My confidence has be stolen. Â It has been ripped out. Â My mind no longer works.
I live in filth. Â I can no longer connect to others. Â My voice has been destroyed. Â I cry. Â I think terrible things. Â I am alone. Â I am no longer in a position to live my life. Â Failure is around every corner.
Suicide. Â Ending my life is the answer. Â It doesn’t work. Â This pain inside is unending. Â The time is getting closer.