Time is coming

The last four months have been painful and hopeless.  Things are getting worse and I can only see this continuing.  My mind is fried and my spirit raked.  Suicidal thoughts are constant, I want this to end.  I am unable to make sense of what happened in my head so I’m not sure I can adequately describe it here, but here goes.

I was happy.  Things were good.  I felt confidence. I saw purpose in my life. I saw a way to continue. I knew who I was.  My brain was working. It ended so suddenly, fuck me this sucks.

I allowed my family into my home, they were coming to be helpful. In less than an hour of being with them I was crushed. I can’t get away from them.  I am vulnerable to them.  Their words cause me harm. How they acted hurt me. It destroyed me. My confidence has be stolen.  It has been ripped out.  My mind no longer works.

I live in filth.  I can no longer connect to others.  My voice has been destroyed.  I cry.   I think terrible things.  I am alone.  I am no longer in a position to live my life.  Failure is around every corner.

Suicide.  Ending my life is the answer.  It doesn’t work.  This pain inside is unending.  The time is getting closer.