I’m young (15 years old), but I can’t handle anything anymore. Â I’ve been diagnosed with chronic depression and put on medication which doesn’t help much, although I’ve switched medications almost ten times already. Â I’m just tired of it.
So I’ve read into the exit bag method. Â It looks promising, but I don’t have the helium or carbon monoxide readily available. Â I do, however, have canned air. Â I researched it, and even though it’s the opposite of helium (heavier than air rather than lighter), it makes you pass out, regardless, which is the point of the helium anyway.
Anyway, I’ve read about people failing because their body reacts, such as pulling the hood off while unconscious. Â I really don’t think that that’s really possible (they were probably still conscious, just panicking), but to be safe, I’ll tie my hands behind my back. Â I’ll also be sitting upright to make sure that I don’t vomit and drown myself that way.
Anyway, I’m just sick of my dad and other family members. Â My little brother has mental issues, and I love him to death, and hope he has a good life, but I’m afraid I’ll let him down when he grows older. Â My older brother is okay. Â But he can get annoying at times. Â My mother is great, and I love her to pieces, but my step-father isn’t so. Â I cried throughout their whole wedding, because I didn’t like him. Â I still don’t like him. Â I know he tries to be good, but he just doesn’t succeed. Â So I love him for trying, and for caring, and for being there, but trying doesn’t help if it doesn’t get you anywhere.
I could’ve had a good life in my future; I get good grades, have a dad that’s willing to get me anything (I don’t necessarily take advantage of that, only for things I absolutely need), and more. Â But morally, he’s an ass. Â He physically abused me as a child, and is currently ignoring me for no reason whatsoever. Â Anyway, I’m also on the fencing team at my school, and have a few friends. Â But none of them seem to acknowledge pain. Â Like emotional pain. Â And I can’t take anything anymore, there’s just too much work in life.
So please don’t try to offer help, it’s not going to stop me. Â You can comment though, condolences, etc.
Goodbye.
4 comments
i think its sad that i willl never get to talk to ever so i would like to say you seam to have a better life than me so why would u hurt the ones that love you and that are there for you.
you said do try and help well i am sorry there is no way i can reed a post and say ok die i never tried to help you u out
sorry i cant say that or do that so i hope you are reeding this
and know that i know you can get threw it i and a few other have been there and worse
so i just like to say give it a chance and when a door shuts and another door doesnt open make one and go threw it
i know you are stronger than this
if u want to talk we can
benji…i know how annoying all what you are going through can me. But always ask yourself this question: is what i am going through permanent or temporary?
To me it seems like it is something temporary… in 3 years u will leave ur house to go to college. u will meet new people…u will be able to build ur life the way u want. After that will will get married, have kids, a job…a house of ur own… u will not have to deal with ur family member if u dont want to.
I am sure ur family loves you and cares for u. But if u feel ur situation at home does not help, talk to ur therapist about it…he/she will help you understand your feelings and overcome your dark thoughts.
Hang in there for a few more years and u will see i was right. if u want to talk…i am logged in on MSN most of the time. Ready to listen. I will not try to talk u out of it. I will be all ears. That’s it. Hoping you feel better afterward.
Thank you for your comments, and I’m really glad that neither of you tried to talk me out of it like some other people do (i.e. “R U STOOPID? DONT KILL URSELF!”).
I didn’t see the comments before the attempt, but obviously it failed, so here I am, more depressed than before, but still alive.
@lala: I personally love your comment. Because it gives the feeling of hope without saying that there’s hope. And I had thought about my future, and I loved the thought of being in control of my life when that time came. But for some reason it wasn’t enough motivation for me to keep waiting for it. Anyway, I’m making another post about my experience/failed attempt.
Oh, and I wish I could speak to my psychologist. It’s just that I haven’t seen him for so long (due to scheduling issues). Only my mom is willing to take me to him; my dad is against counseling, and personally hates my psychologist, though I don’t know why. But I’m only with my mom every other weekend, because my dad has full custody. But lately, my mom’s weekends have landed on a fencing tournament date, Christmas, and coming up is a must-attend meeting for Robotics (kickoff is the most important meeting of the year). So that’s two weeks in between each meet, so I’ve missed a month and a half of counseling, which is probably why I’m feeling like this.
I haven’t told him specifically that I’ve been having suicidal thoughts, mostly because they were never as severe as last night, or even close to it. But now I’m afraid to tell him, because he’s legally obligated to report anything that I tell him that indicates a possibility of self-harm or suicide (in this case, suicide). I appreciate his obligation to that, but I don’t want him to. And that’s not something I can ask him not to do, as he has to, otherwise he can be sued/fired due to obvious reasons. In the past, I’ve mostly been seeing him because of self-confidence issues and “above average” depression.
Again, thank you for your comments.
well i am very glad your still hear the last two nights i have wanted so badly wanting to kill myself i even came close to it two nights ago