I always wake up to wonder if what I THINK I dreamt was real or fake, or maybe a little bit of both, or may its neither… I can’t go out into the public without freaking out, becoming something that I have grown to know as myself. I can’t sleep at night, so I’m tired in he morning. I start to play movies of me flying down a hill, hitting to solid ground hard, and rolling down it. Once I was really not having a good time. I had broke down crying at my locker at school, causing a major panic to some-what nice people, and laughs to others. I had later that day proceeded to take a pencil, put it on my arm, push into my arm as hard as I could at the time, and drag it down. It didn’t even hurt me, even though it bled and left a lot of marks. And then..I was betrayed in my moment of weekness. Hurt… /touched/. No, not the teary eyed happy touch, I mean the physical BAD touch… I’m only 14…
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From what that says, i think you should seek help. And tell your parents about this. Life can get better for you, you just need to tell someone (if you haven’t).
I’m so sorry for your pain, it’s not fair for things to happen to somebody so young. I was in a pretty bad place when I was your age. It helped me to talk to people sometimes, especially if they didn’t know me cuz then they can’t judge or if you wanna stop talking to them then just delete their email. I can’t do anything to help you but I can listen if you want to talk. My email is nomadbella@yahoo.com if you ever feel like venting or anything. If not then I hope things get better, you should maybe try telling somebody about the ‘touching’ incident.
I’m afraid they’ll judge me like they did already.. My mom thought I was “dating” a girl, I myself am a female and am straight. This girl insisted we were dating, and she was over-the-top obsessive… I don’t want everyone to know.. that I was touched by a girl at the age of 14..