I’m 16 and i hate myself. When i was 15 my mother died of cancer and with her gone, the only person who really ever understood me. My father hates me, my friends dislike my presence, and i just dont seem to fit anywhere. I look like I’m fine and I have it all together, but i wake up every morning and i just wish i were dead. I’m supposed to be a Christian, but I don’t know how much of it i believe anymore, i suppose i feel like killing my self would be a sin, and I don’t want to go to hell, but I also feel like im experiencing my own hell on earth. So I’m just not sure what to do anymore, my life just seems to be getting worse, I have depression, and i don’t feel as if anything or anyone is able to help.
2 comments
I write a lot so gimme a minute to reply.
My life hurts right now and the best way I know how to help myself is by getting this shit out. So what I’m telling you is helping me. o.k?
Have you ever been slapped on the back of the head in the middle of the lunch room? I have… in front of everyone. Fights in the bathroom? one fights 2 watch and make sure you don’t get away. can’t get a girlfriend? People think you strange? You think there worthless because everyone tells you you are? You want So HARD to be accepted by them that you believe them when they tell you the bad shit.or your come backs are too slow. There Fucking scared of you. They express it in violence. The only way I was able to make it through was to turn all there hatred into pride and become weird and I hung out with the weird kids.My best friend was a black guy who had dreads listened to death metal rock and knew Tike wan do. We played street fighter together. You have to accept the strange people because you are strange everyone is there is no such thing as normal …. normal is a lie.
I’m listning to a christian band right now that is FUCKING awesome if you want take a look at them I’ll give you a link to one of there songs.
its called flyleaf
the lead singer will know everything your feeling she used to be suicidal and on drugs before she found god…. now? She shows people like you and me how to live… this is not like the rainbows and teddybear songs…. this is someone who knows your pain.
this song is called swept away and it’s about god and man. and how to be saved. Listen to all of it please
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rSpKbrzhVQ
this song is called who am I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlUYDg7wd1o
and it’s about the last day of a persons life and how thankful they where to have lived so long and