This is my first time here, I have been suicidal for…most of my life, when I was 7 i tried to stab myself.Â I have tried many times since then, and as I am in life a complete failiure.Â No doctors have helped me, but then I don’t consider myself to have ‘Mental Health’ issues, I just don’t like life. Just like some folk don’t like tomatoes.Â I have tried and tried and like everything else I have failed.Â I didn’t have a great child hood, I have had two mentally abusive relationships, and the last one has turned me to ice.Â I am now weak, scared, I cannot sypathise or empathise with anyone due to the way I look at things, which is ‘deal with it’.Â I don’t know what I should be feeling in certain situations my mind is telling me what I should do, but it’s like my heart is numb or too weak.Â I could go on and on.Â My point is I have decided hanging is the way to go, it’s the only thing I haven’t tried, it has to work.Â I do not want to see my 30th birthday this year.Â I am not ill, just some people can’t forgive, or can’t understand, and it gets tiring.Â Then what about the people left behind??? I think they are selfish.Â If I was dying from along term illness and I was in pain and I was tired, they would no doubt want to help, or at least would want me out of pain and misery.Â And these people who call it the easy way out…..don’t know bout anyone else but it’s one of the hardest things I’ve tried to do many times, knowing how much hurt I’m causing, or having to face them again if it doesn’t work.Â I have also considered heroin overdose, my partner and mum both work with drug addicts, do you think that they would feel it was aimed at them!Â Thats the other thing that gets to me, once your gone, everyone starts blaming themselves, it’s nobodies fault. How would I make them not blame themselves? All this is starting to revolve around other people, So what if I ran away for a couple of months sent themm letters explaining it all, then exit.