I am going to try to sleep, and maybe check and see if anyone responds in the morning. I hate myself and I hate life. Not just my life, but being alive. I hate thinking. I hate existing. I don’t want any of it. In death I hope there is no afterlife, if there is I hope it is optional because this one wasn’t. I am 33 years old. Divorced. Broken. I have never had any of those special qualities that people look for in a partner, the only person to ever tell me they loved me tried to kill me over and over and over again until I kicked her out of my house. That was years ago, I haven’t had anyone stick around for more than two weeks since. I got nothing because I am nothing. I am probably going to kill myself this week. I should have just let that ***** do it for me.
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I know your asleep even before I write this…. so… I have been through one really good marriage and one bad one with 3 one night stands in between. so my count is up to 5 im 31. A long time ago I made a deal with god…. and traded this life for something better. NO I’m not christian. I don’t shit rainbows and butterflies and I don’t throw teddy bears. After I was left by my first wife who I loved more then life itself… (she took my 3 daughters) and it was not a get the hell out… it was a I don’t love you anymore please leave. For two years I struggled over whether I should kill myself or not and I drank like crazy. I made a deal with god to show me something different or I’m going to take my shit and leave. I no longer cared about taking care of my life. I joined the army jumped from planes and went to Iraq. watching people die and being blown up a few times. I’m and Airborne Combat Medic. I learned that god was showing me stuff different. I just got out of rehab…for drinking… I am learning to love life away from alcohol I’m making changes to make my life interesting. e-mail is lance2005_lovato@hotmail.com
write me if you want to know more.
cause my second wife left me… after she cheated on me.
and I guess we are all in this together.
I’m not sure what to say except that I’m sorry you’re suffering so. I too am broken and lost, just out of a long-term relationship. If you haven’t sought professional help yet then do. I too struggle with depression and loneliness but am trying to fight it with everything I’ve got. Sometimes I want to kill myself, sometimes I don’t, because I feel better for a little while. It’s those moments you need to hang on to, and know that things can get better with a little time and help from the proper sources. You may just need some medications and some therapy to get you through this rough patch. I wish you well. You are not alone.
Also, don’t assume that you don’t have the qualities that people look for in a partner. Everyone is seeking something different. Your ex isn’t the only person out there, and you may find someone totally the opposite of her for whom you’re well suited. Don’t let one person determine your worth.
If you’re attracting the same type of person over & over, you might want to ask yourself what draws you to them. Sometimes, we need to change our own thoughts and behaviors in order to change the outcomes of our lives. A decent counselor could help with that. Maybe consider talking to one before you decide to end things. Good luck to you.
I don’t believe in an afterlife; once the brain shuts down, the faculty responsible for consciousness is lost and so is the consciousness. If the soul was responsible for consciousness, why is it that damage to the brain has an impact on a person’s memory, cognition, and awareness? For me, death in simply dreamless sleep that never ends. And since it’s inevitable, what’s the rush? What’s the point in giving up? No matter how miserable life gets, you’re still more likely to acheive happiness by going on living than by ending your life.
No afterlife? Then how are we here in the first place