For the past 6 years since I was 16, I’ve been depressed. Throughout high school, you wouldn’t think I was though. I looked happy. I should have been an actress. Little did people know that I was hospitalized for trying to kill myself at 16. I use to be one of the popular pretty girls in school and after high school, my depression got really severe. I’ve been thinking about killing myself for the past 3 years but it hasn’t got this bad til the past year or two. Everyday the thoughts get stronger. My feelings seem to amplify. I don’t see why I’m still here. I’m 22 with nothing to live for. I can’t go back to school because of my depression and social anxiety. I’ve lost all my friends. I don’t look the way I used to. If you looked at pictures of me back 4 years ago and now, you wouldn’t think I’m the same person. I’ve let myself go completely.
I don’t know how much longer I can take. Every night I lay in bed just thinking and plotting ways to kill myself.
Overdosing is out of the question b/c its too slow and painful. Plus the fact that most people who overdose end up living.
Shooting myself would be the best way to go but I don’t have a gun. I know if I had access to one, I would have been gone a long time ago.
Hydrogen sulfide sounds very promising but I’m scared of fucking up the ingredients and ending up with brain damage.
Hanging myself would be the best and most realistic way for me to die. Only problem is I don’t have anywhere to hang myself. It sounds painful if done wrong but I think that I’ll just end up dying from strangulation if my neck doesnt snap.
The only thing now is going about it and finding a place to do it.
2 comments
A few things….if you do not succeed in what you claim to want so bad, you’ll be worse off….duh…right?
If you keep focusing on it, it will get worse-if you focus on how cute a baby is that’s what your experience is, the universe reflects back what you are asking for and what occupies your thoughts, -thus you, on a level are co-creating your experience. I do not know your entire situation and I empathize dearly-I know what it is to lose everything you hold dear and it truly sucks. Your experience may suck, but you do not suck and I encourage you to separate the two so as to give yourself some perspective, and I know it’s intense for you now, I’m not discounting that for a second.
What you resist, persists…okay? It’s not our experience of things or depression that’s the enemy, it’s our own JUDGMENT of it-do I like being depressed…NO WAY!, but it’s the reality-so I stay with it, and do my best to make friends with it, what else can you do? You don’t want to feel this way but you do, and for whatever reason it’s there and has been there for a while..me too-can you let it be without reacting or flipping out? Up to you….and don’t think I’m preaching at you, I’m just offering some alternative approaches and some information that may be of help. If you are brave enough to check out, you may be brave enough to chat. softsoul9 on skype. Cheers! I’m the guy interrupted. Take care.
all i have to say is h2s is no way to die check out the helium hood method its the best way. im in the same boat as u but im 24 and im done good luck