I have been researching suicide obsessively. I ended a relationship about a year ago and have since come to realize it was the biggest mistake that I have ever made. I knew when it was ending that I was entering the abyss and I still did it. Now I am unable to function and all I can think about is what I would have said or done. It seems like alot of the people here have been screwed over by situations that are out of their control whereas I am the cause of mine. I cannot forgive myself. I am waiting a little bit longer to see what happens in life. The image of my dead body in a car with two charcoal grills in the back frightens me. On the other hand I won’t be here to see it. I think the world is just fine. But I was not meant to be here. Much love to all the other poster. I hope it works out for you guys. One way or the other.
4 comments
I research suicide obsessively too i think alot of us here do. Could you maybe get back with the person that you ended it with?
I can really understand your situation. I’ve been there too and still am. I would think about the things I’ve could’ve done and said in the past to change how things turned out now, and regret it everyday when I am reminded of it. It haunts me and drags me down. The feeling of hopelessness and regret amplies the depression. I’ve been researching about suicide too… waiting to find out the best way to die without failure and all of that..
Thanks for replying crying on the inside and deep abyss. No it’s not possible at this point to get back together. It was hard when we were together towards the end but I haven’t had alot of happiness in my life and I was happy when I was with her. I don’t know how I could have thrown that away. What I could have said or done plays like an endless cycle in my head. I gave up on us and I now I am giving up again on a deeper level.
I don’t have a lot of happiness in my life either… and still just trying to find a good method to go. There’s so many methods… but they just don’t seem like the one I want to go out with. I still have things going through my head too. Just today, I woke up having memories of the past go through my mind.