I feel like things are getting better and then they go and get worst again.
Why is it so hard to just move on from things and just let go. I don’t fucking get it.
Sometimes I feel like I want to be helped and move on with my life and then other times I just feel like there is no hope so I might as well just deal with it or just fucking die.
Alls I keep thinking about is how torment free my family, friends and (ex?)boyfriend will be if I just pop my clogs.
I actually get a shiver down my spine when I think that we all might just be happy without me here. Sure there might be a few tears. But people move on. When a loved one dies in our lives, we are told to grieve and move on right? So why would it be any different for me?
I’ve decided this week that I am going to leave uni. I just can’t take it any more.
Everyone has something they are really good at in life yeah? Well I obviously just don’t have one. I just don’t have anything. So why is it that everytime I try and kill myself I fail? I can’t even fucking succeed at that.
I don’t mean to bring anyone else down.
Just finding today a really hard day to live through.
The future is bleak.
10 comments
I tried hanging myself with a steelers scarf and actually thought that “might” kill me (very desperate at the time). Felt dumb and pissed of after that. What could be more of fail than that?
@rebca I am crying as I read how similar our stories are. I myself feel like my future is bleak so I’d like to end it for good. I’ve lost all hope in everything and wake up everyday in pain. I’d like to end it but could never do it through hanging myself there must be another painless way out. Right?
@smiling on the outside (your username says it all) but why do you want to end it?
Hani3, finally that someone that gets me, thank you for making my day!! Although I am sorry that you feel the same way, it is bleak. I must saying hanging yourself isn’t great. I was really worried about potentially breaking my neck, so I just kept drinking more and more to spur me on and just stood on top of the stool for a long time. (Un)fortunately my mum found me, as she always does, and got me to bed.
How long have you felt like this for? xx
hey look i think i might be able to help with this, ive seen a lot of suicide and lots of families of suicide victims so is there any chance you be willing to ahve a chat? my email is lauriejohnson1@hotmail.co.uk if you dont want to talk ill understand but ive a feeling theres a part of you that actually is willing to actively source an alternative to how you live rather than just an alternative to life, hope i can help.
Hey che thank you for your support.
I do want to live (now I am in a positive state I can say this) it’s just the anger from my personality disorder and self confidence, depression and everything else that gets too much.
Would you mind if I gave you an email sometime? xx
I felt (and still feel) like an outcast to my family, friends, and society. I’m a 15 male with parents that expect more from me. If you saw me u would never had thought i was suicidal (hence the username), all honors minus 1 (which acedemic is a huge blowoff), went to highschool at grade 8 to take biology, u would think i am a smart person, i’m not. I took (and still) more than a period to finish a test no matter how difficult it is and i needed a tutor just so i didn’t fail bio, barely got a b overall. Never started hating myself until (currently at) freshmen year. Now I take chem and what do u know i need a fucking tutor for that as well. I started thinking it wasn’t my own work, like my tutor was doing the work and my answers were his answers and my mom wasn’t helping by insulting my intelligence and sanity on a daily basis (misconception plagues her). I also feel like i keep getting an unspoken message from her that i would do my family a favor if i just killed myself, no bad grades related to them, no moody child, just my staight A, cheerful, perfect, happy, outgoing sister. Rereading my comment i feel like i’m being overdramatic and ignoring rebca’s problem (sorry), alot of other people have it worse than me and dont kill themselves, but it still doesn’t stop me from hating myself and how much i used to cry myself to sleep everynight, which makes me feel even worse. Sorry for rambling but i just wanted to get it off my chest, plus u asked.
I’m really sorry to hear you are having a really tough time at school. I can relate a lot. I went to an all girls grammar school, which is kind of like a private school but you don’t have to pay and I got bullied all the way through.
Don’t apologise for the way you feel, we are all here to support and gain support from one another.
If you ever want to moan about school or hate on life, send me an email?
beckybobrocks@hotmail.com
xxx
Just saw ur message rebca, thanks for the kind words, i feel a lot better now. i will make it a point sometime in the future to email you when i need someone to talk to. My email is a c d c 1 9 3 1 a t ( s y m b o l ) h o t m a i l . c o m (really don’t want my email googled by someone i no)
Anytime 🙂 Really glad you are feeling better
I was thinking the same thing when I posted but whatever!
I will add you tomorrow with a little email?
Have a good evening xxx
thanks you too rebca