It was June 23rd 2003 when I decided to commit suicide. I am so helpless during those times I donâ€™t see any light at my path. Thereâ€™s only one thing that playing on my mind. â€œI need to dieâ€
I was only 15 years old that time. I am so depress and down, I just want to kill myself the reason why is so cleared I am not a educated person to be exact I decide to stop my study since I was in a 4th grade due to separation anxiety (The doctor said to my mom in a psychology session) I want to study but I donâ€™t want to go to school. I am a kind of person that I want to wake up early in the morning; I donâ€™t want the whole scenario in the school and I am immature to know the sequence of that decision. My second reason is I am a bisexual boy I donâ€™t want to be a bisexual in that early age I know that is not normal for sure nobody loves me the way I loved.Â So I want to end my depression. I get my white blanket to my bed. I knot it on my neck and on the ceiling. Then I said â€œlord sinusuko ko na ang lahatâ€ (Lord I surrender all) then I am dramatically jump in the chair.
The next scenario is very unusual I hear some laugh, (like a demon) I see a fire even I know that my eyes is perfectly close then I found myself hang and I want to back to the chair that I jumped, suddenly I saw my Dad he said â€œDiyos ko poâ€ (Oh my God) his voice is shaking, I am conscious that time and I feel that I am thirsty my body is shaking and my nose and my mouth is full of blood then my Mom is crying at the side of my dad she said â€œDiyos ko po! Diyos ko po!â€ (Oh my God Oh my God) they want to immigetly unknot the blanket at my neck. Fortunately they back my life in a second time. First when I birth and second when I want to end my life.
Now I am 23 years old. Same cases happen again I want to kill myself. I am a bisexual jobless boy and no one loves me and I think no one care if I die. I am a nonsense person stupid and my brain is small like the brain of the ant. I seek for help but no one came. I am in love to a one straight man but I am sure he donâ€™t love me the way I did.
Please help me guys!