It was June 23rd 2003 when I decided to commit suicide. I am so helpless during those times I don’t see any light at my path. There’s only one thing that playing on my mind. “I need to dieâ€
I was only 15 years old that time. I am so depress and down, I just want to kill myself the reason why is so cleared I am not a educated person to be exact I decide to stop my study since I was in a 4th grade due to separation anxiety (The doctor said to my mom in a psychology session) I want to study but I don’t want to go to school. I am a kind of person that I want to wake up early in the morning; I don’t want the whole scenario in the school and I am immature to know the sequence of that decision. My second reason is I am a bisexual boy I don’t want to be a bisexual in that early age I know that is not normal for sure nobody loves me the way I loved. So I want to end my depression. I get my white blanket to my bed. I knot it on my neck and on the ceiling. Then I said “lord sinusuko ko na ang lahat†(Lord I surrender all) then I am dramatically jump in the chair.
The next scenario is very unusual I hear some laugh, (like a demon) I see a fire even I know that my eyes is perfectly close then I found myself hang and I want to back to the chair that I jumped, suddenly I saw my Dad he said “Diyos ko po†(Oh my God) his voice is shaking, I am conscious that time and I feel that I am thirsty my body is shaking and my nose and my mouth is full of blood then my Mom is crying at the side of my dad she said “Diyos ko po! Diyos ko po!†(Oh my God Oh my God) they want to immigetly unknot the blanket at my neck. Fortunately they back my life in a second time. First when I birth and second when I want to end my life.
Now I am 23 years old. Same cases happen again I want to kill myself. I am a bisexual jobless boy and no one loves me and I think no one care if I die. I am a nonsense person stupid and my brain is small like the brain of the ant. I seek for help but no one came. I am in love to a one straight man but I am sure he don’t love me the way I did.
Please help me guys!
-bluedestiny-
5 comments
Bless you for still being alive, it’s good to know you have such caring parents, where are you from? Do you know why you are bisexual? perhaps the reason you are can be convinced upon that man and he will love you too, though I doubt that, remember there are many people in this world to love! He may be there and awesome but you could find someone even better who you may love even more! 🙂
Hi! Omar! I am from Philippines. I don’t know why. But im sure that i am a bisexual i’m both attracted in the same gender. I know there’s a lot of person who understand me. Like you and i am thankful for that.
How many times have you had sex with both sides? It may be an act of desire, some people loose interest when they had enough of something, if you never had sex with a man before maybe you want to try that, if you did you may be sexually active (you won’t stop having sex and it will be more about that then the actual relationship) I am straight, and I would never get close to another man because I think its irrational, I desire a women’s body more, I naturally get sick thinking about a man with another man (I’m not talking against you, I have bisexual friends I don’t mind that its just me). Do you remember the first time you were bisexual?
I am still a virgin. (ashame to admit) i have a greatest love of my life and unfortunaly he is a straight man. I don’t know what to do right now. I don’t actually imagine myself having sex with him. I don’t want. i love him clean and i respect him and love him i assume unconditonally. Thats why i want to kill my self. I don’t know what to do.
Mashallah, don’t be ashamed, I always encourage to keep their virginity until marriage, it more noble and honourable, I myself am a virgin and I am completely proud to be one. For I will only marry and serve one women in this world and no other! Well don’t kill yourself, love is a magical wand, she can be thrown around from person to person until you catch the same wand at the same time with another person. It’s good that you respect him, I know some people who would threaten their wives for marriage. Just wait a bit more, is it possible to forget about him? Maybe you will find another person, if you want him think of all the reasons why you want him, make a list of why and why not, just to make sure as sometimes people fall in love and once they have their loved ones they don’t love that person.. but trying to make that person fall in love with them, do you think more about being with him? or a time when he falls in your arms and says he loves you? But you must be slow with him… To convince him to fall in love with you needs time… Hang out with him.. control yourself, and with time he may just fall in love with you.