help me!!!!

“Help Me”, This is my first time to write on this site. I hope I respond to you only in a way that is helpful. Reading your words, I want to ask you a question; Do you THINK or FEEL or KNOW your parents are blaming you or are you blaming yourself? Have your parents actually said something like they blame you? The rational answer is no one is responsible or to blame for any of this but the violator that did this horrible deed…..right. But our minds are not always rational when it comes to our feelings….part of the tragedy ; is when an innocent victim that survives violence (meaning you), can become very confussed from the overwhelming feelings (survivor guilt) which is difficult to process. It seems you may need to express these feelings to your parents and get it out in the open; “How you feel”. I believe beyond your sorrow and grief of lose of your sibling; GUILT for living through such an event is causing all of this mass confusion of feelings you and your entire family are going through. Your parents are probably feeling guilty too; I would as a parent. It is extremely important for all of your family to seek long term counseling after such a malicious terrifying violent act.

I am 56 y.o. and know that negative/tragic events from my childhood left me with deep seed permanently feelings of unrealistic shame, guilt, feeling helpless, multiple negative feelings about myself that have taken years for me to only discover and ackowledge, brave enough to even say to myself or another person and on to the next step to begin to understand all of these feelings and why I felt this way. Learning to cope with a feeling and live with the feeling and let it rest. It’s like swimming; you don’t fight the water you learn to go with it., you become part of the water and work with the water…that’s what I’ve learned about feelings is trying not to fight them but to accept them for wht they are sometimes put them in their own package and put them on a shelf so I can go on in life. I know that sound a bit shallow perhaps. This is limited space and time; I am giving you tiny bits to help start put things in place for you to take back control of your life.

The last thing I want to leave with you is that I think you have a lot of courage to tell the truth about what is really going on in your life. I hope this helps if you read this; I don’t know how a family survives after this type of tragedy without critical counseling…..please talk to your family. xoxo