I can’t do this anymore. I have tried. I think that finally I am just slowly erroding. I can’t explain it but I feel as if the only thing I want to do anymore is to create or work, but not relate to people, or make friends, or try to find love. I think I am so disgusted with people and how terribly I have been abused and misused and under appreciated, I think the bullying, the slanders, the evil eyes and crude comments have finally destroyed me. I tried so hard. I tried. And I can’t try anymore because my feet feel heavy and my heart feels numb and the only thing I want to do is run far far away. No more ideals about what it would like to find someone, or notions that I actually matter.. In the whole scheme of things I don’t, I am just a tiny fetus that was able to mature. Nothing more. I hate religion, I quite often wish my mom would have had an abortion with me. She always says how I was her miracle baby, but I have never done anything besides being taunted at or bullied, I have no idea what it is like to be on the other side. IN fact, I have been so abused that people know, right off the bat. And I deserved this, I do because I just don’t care anymore. I have lost all faith, I have lost all reason to care. Continue to hurt other people, continue to watch someone cry and not reach out, because eventually they too will give in.
I hate people.
What is worse, is that I am one. What kind of sick sad world is this.