I don’t know why I am writing this. It doesn’t seem like it will matter much. But I’ve been depressed for a while and any day now, I am ready to slice my wrists and get it over with.
I have never partaked in society very well. In fact, I hated it since I was small. I never fit in. I was too small and bullied for that. I don’t like speaking. I get nervous and people make fun of me. I don’t like people. They hurt me too much.
My friends, they hate me. I act around them. Once I show my true colors, theyre gone until I start acting again. They make me listen to their problems, but I can never voice my own. I don’t hate them. I just feel a little used.
My family is a wonder. Both sides are racist against each other and one side is homophobic. I’m hated on both sides because of this.
My parents think I am happy and normal. The last time I had a break down, I put myself in therapy. I take the initiative for myself. They knew, but didn’t try anything.
Therapy didn’t work, so I got out of it. We couldn’t afford it anyway. It turns out I’m schizophrenic. It’s not hard to self diagnose. They don’t know that either.
I think this may be the end. Life is crap to me. I can’t keep going on like this. I am about to snap, I can feel it. Like the calm before a storm. I think suicide may be the best answer to this. I hate life and its bullies. I am always bullied, used up, hated, and alone. It’s a pathetic state to be in.