I don’t have anything hateful to post, and I don’t blame anybody. I’m mentally ill and 44 years old. I have been suicidal all of my life, but in the past few years I lost my job/career, my home, and my family.
Like anybody else, there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to die. However, I have enough life experience to know that I have no measureable happiness in the future.
It’s down to a few days now.. I just have to find the energy to get the things I need to go through with it.
Every day when I wake up, I’m scared and lonely. I’m sad that it has come to this.
4 comments
It pains me to hear this… my dad was 38 when he took his life. I was 15 when I found him hanging in my bedroom.
I wish I had known, I wish I could have done something to help him.
I care… dont do this… none of us know what the future holds.
I am 26 now and I have been whaere you are… my dad took away apart of my soul and I didnt think and at athe time didnt want to go on. I set up a group on facebook though. ‘Families dealing with suicide’. Its what keeps me going, is the thought Im not alone in my pain.
((Hugs)) xxx
i know what that feels like. I want to help you. I think that you have a future and could help a lot of people.
I’m 45, have just been diagnosed with BPD along with a variety of conditions and this after 10 years of various treatments, most of which I am now told were either inappropriate or ineffective; to be franck, the titles, are not important, it’s the pain, the seeming nothingness, the volatile mood swings and the utter hopelessness of holding onto direction that gets me. There comes a point when you realise that you no longer believe in change, that you’ve just given up. I have reached that point, perhaps I have been there for some time, in fact, I know I have. Yes, tomorrow may bring change, I may suddenly find out who I am, I may find direction, the pain, the internal dialogue may end …. However after almost 30 years, I wonder … Yes, I know what suicide does, I, myself, saw my father kill himself, then, as a child and have since seen, well too many details are not always a good thng …. Sometimes, living so that other will not hurt is difficult … Each morning it seems impossible.
Wish I knew the reason for everyone’s (including myself) suffering. It’s really off the charts. This forum has been one of the only things giving me purpose and probably the most humbling experience in general. Like cracked said……..it does seems impossible. I’ve heard some friends say to me, ya I would miss you, but if you’re suffering that much….Cheers!