I evaporate myself from life. My tongue is bitter everytime IÂ talk. Salty and sticky. Disgusting. my friends who were there for me morphed into bitches. lonliness engulfs me. swallows me whole. including the reason to feel, emotions. It kills me. It feels as if a black hole has been put where my heart was. Shaving parts of my life off and eating my memories. I just feel so lonely all the time. And no one can understand me. This world is arrogant, conceited, and uninterpretable.
Those happy times are gone. When will i feel a smile thats whole hearted and interpreted as a feeling of hope again? Everytime i go to school, it feels like hell. my feelings roll in the pit of my stomach and yank the hyper tiny girl into oblivian, till she dies. All thats left is a girl whos lost, alone, and doesnt know how to be strong anymore. all that everyone sees is a sad girl who is lonely. Why wont any one help and try to understand her? Try to atleast stay unbias to her FEELINGS!!
Everyone ALWAYS predicts that I’m just tired. Why can’t they just see I’m lonely. And that i need a shoulder to depend on? for the past few weeks,I’ve been imagining the ideal friend. someone who wont judge how you look, someone that is nice, caring, smart, loyal, and trustworthy. Just someone that wont force my opinion. I’m just tired of being the loyal and trust worthy one.  The other day, i decorated a friends locker because I wanted to be a good friend and celebrate their birthday. i tried SO hard, got to school thirty minutes early, and when i finished, decorating her locker, she said she loved it. I’m not the best at decorating, or doing girly things, because I’m a tomboy. and when i was finished, I’ll be truthful, it looked like crap. But it made me even more touched when she said she loved it, the next thing i new, was that i saw her ripping the decorations off and saying how shitty it was. I feel that someone drilled a holes into where my heart was. All of my “friends” take advantage of me. playing princess while i have to play servent. how or where can i find a friend who’ll treatme the way i want to be treated? or the way i try to treat eveyone else? With loyalty, compassion, humor, and respect? i try SO hard to mask my depression. and no one can see through to the fact that im hurt.
3 comments
No one will know anything about you unless YOU express it…all of it. You can’t assume people know how you are and run to your rescue…you have to want to help yourself. It’s like you’re abandoning yourself….were you abandoned when you were younger…left alone a lot? That’s important to know in order to figure out why you’re feeling the way you are now. If your friends don’t treat you with respect etc….YOU need to cultivate and treat yourself with compassion, loyalty, and respect….tell yourself the odd joke….lol. Everything starts with you first….then your outside world mirrors what you are creating with your thoughts. Try to focus on positive things and reframe them so that you’re experience will reflect a positive outlook. Not easy, I know when you’re at the age you are and faced with a lot of challenges..but you can. A trusted counselor will help. Cheers!
Your so called friends dont sound very nice maybe go make some new ones
Reading what you said, mirrored part of my own life. I too feel the loneliness that can surround a person. It suffocates me while I’m alone inside my room. It chokes me to the point where I can barely breathe when I wake up or sleep from time to time. It’s hard to trust people. I’ve trusted so many, just to have every single one of them lie to me, use me, then abandon me without looking back. I don’t think you should be friends with those people anymore.. it’ll just continue to hurt you as you feel used more and more… I would know… I’ve had my share of “friends” like that..