I evaporate myself from life. My tongue is bitter everytime IÂ talk. Salty and sticky. Disgusting. my friends who were there for me morphed into bitches. lonliness engulfs me. swallows me whole. including the reason to feel, emotions. It kills me. It feels as if a black hole has been put where my heart was. Shaving parts of my life off and eating my memories. I just feel so lonely all the time. And no one can understand me. This world is arrogant, conceited, and uninterpretable.
Those happy times are gone. When will i feel a smile thats whole hearted and interpreted as a feeling of hope again? Everytime i go to school, it feels like hell. my feelings roll in the pit of my stomach and yank the hyper tiny girl into oblivian, till she dies. All thats left is a girl whos lost, alone, and doesnt know how to be strong anymore. all that everyone sees is a sad girl who is lonely. Why wont any one help and try to understand her? Try to atleast stay unbias to her FEELINGS!!
Everyone ALWAYSÂ predicts that I’m just tired. Why can’t they just see I’m lonely. And that i need a shoulder to depend on? for the past few weeks,I’ve been imagining the ideal friend. someone who wont judge how you look, someone that is nice, caring, smart, loyal, and trustworthy. Just someone that wont force my opinion. I’m just tired of being the loyal and trust worthy one.Â Â The other day, i decorated a friends locker becauseÂ I wanted to be a good friend and celebrate their birthday. i triedÂ SO hard, got to school thirty minutes early, and when i finished, decorating her locker, she said she loved it.Â I’m not the best at decorating, or doing girly things, becauseÂ I’m a tomboy. and when i was finished,Â I’ll be truthful, it looked like crap. But it made me even more touched when she said she loved it, the next thing i new,Â was thatÂ i saw her rippingÂ the decorations off and saying how shitty it was. I feelÂ that someone drilled aÂ holes into where my heart was.Â All of myÂ “friends” take advantage of me. playing princess while i have to play servent. how or where can i find a friend who’ll treatme the way i want to be treated? or the way i try to treat eveyone else? With loyalty, compassion,Â humor, and respect? i try SO hard to mask my depression. and no one can see through to the fact that im hurt.