While i may be only 20 i know enough and see enough to bring me to ending my existence. I have found no hope in humanity as shown to me by my so called friends. I live 30 minutes away from all of them so it’s a little drive but i don’t mind. I’m left out of all activities with them. No phone calls, texts, emails, facebook messages, nothing. The only time i see them are at concerts and local band practices and even then i’m left out and treated as if i don’t exist. I do many things for them and get exactly shit in return. I’ve done all that they ask of me and i got shit back. The past 5 girls i’ve talked to have led me to believe that more could become of our friendship. Some told me that would happen. Then they would avoid me for days on weeks or make up false excuses why they couldn’t go out. I’ve never gotten a chance to prove anything to anyone because i never get one. This is now exactly day 12 that i’ve spent indoors. Haven’t even left the house a foot out the door. From what i can see this society doesn’t believe in giving out chances. Equality is a lie and forgiveness is bullshit. I’ve given myself till February 18th (if i even make it that long) to find some reason to live. My friends have given up on me. My therapist doesn’t know what to say to me. And my psychiatrist says the same line over and over “Give it time, just wait”. I’m through waiting. I’ve been patient. All i want is to feel happiness again…is that so hard to ask from humanity?