While i may be only 20 i know enough and see enough to bring me to ending my existence. I have found no hope in humanity as shown to me by my so called friends. I live 30 minutes away from all of them so it’s a little drive but i don’t mind. I’m left out of all activities with them. No phone calls, texts, emails, facebook messages, nothing. The only time i see them are at concerts and local band practices and even then i’m left out and treated as if i don’t exist. I do many things for them and get exactly shit in return. I’ve done all that they ask of me and i got shit back. The past 5 girls i’ve talked to have led me to believe that more could become of our friendship. Some told me that would happen. Then they would avoid me for days on weeks or make up false excuses why they couldn’t go out. I’ve never gotten a chance to prove anything to anyone because i never get one. This is now exactly day 12 that i’ve spent indoors. Haven’t even left the house a foot out the door. From what i can see this society doesn’t believe in giving out chances. Equality is a lie and forgiveness is bullshit. I’ve given myself till February 18th (if i even make it that long) to find some reason to live. My friends have given up on me. My therapist doesn’t know what to say to me. And my psychiatrist says the same line over and over “Give it time, just wait”. I’m through waiting. I’ve been patient. All i want is to feel happiness again…is that so hard to ask from humanity?
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sadly so it seems i cant tell you i think everything will e alright and stuff cause maye it wont i feel like you most of the times so invisivle so freaking mad at everyone and especially at me feeling im worthless and lonely ut sometimes the answers you can find are in yourself no in the rest cause people will always let you down and there is no easy answer for that it sucks…anyway maye you should get out of your house at least to see the sun shine or anything staying at home will only make you feel more depressed…
I know just how you feel i’ve been there still kinda am there. I always had shittu friends that expected so much from me and gave nothing back. They stood me up, and just fucked me over in so many ways. Everyone that i ever trusted abused my trust. I got so depressed after high school and i realized how fake everyone is. I figured since i was alone i might as well try to enjoy it. I completely isolated myself and for some time it felt great. But it was awful being alone and there i went pathetic little me trying to be friends with those same shitty people. I’ve wanted to die since the age of 8 and i also am 20. I have tried multiple times to kill myself taking dozens of pills but nothing just more misery. And now i’m scared to die because what if it isn’t the right decision. I realized that ive been dragging everyone down with me. I can’t deal with anything im so mentally and emotionally weak its down right pathetic. I’m always asking to be forgiven but no one has ever apologized to me. Not a im sorry both your parents abandon you im sorry your mother did it twice im sorry you were molested when you were 7 im sorry your family has been a bunch of inconsiderate assholes im sorry you had shitty friends not nothing. Dying seems like the easy answer because its a way of not dealing with things. But suicide just makes you feel like shit when your trying to do it. You can totally email me if you want to talk.
my email is mizzy1990@aim.com
i know how you feel. my so called “friends invited me out drinking. when i was drunk they smashed my head off the pavement, tea bagged me, pulled me trousers down, poured vodka over me before leaving me to die while i vomitted small amounts of blood, when some random woman had to call me an ambulance.
other than that always lived in isolation with parents that dont care, no friends, and the only girl i love hating me, aswell as a previous 9 years of bullying (im 16)
im not going to tell u everytings gonna be fine, and im not gna talk u outta it. suicide seems like the only answer to me aswell, so u can email me if u want
There are still good people in this world. The proof is here on this blue site, where there are a lot of individuals who are ‘lost’, hurted, sensitive and even intelligent beyond ‘normal’ ones..
Unfortunately sometimes you have to look much further and harder to find these ‘rare hidden gems’, even perhaps only through online world (like how we all find each other here with often similar problems, and even personality type), but believe me that once you’ve found them, your whole outlook in life might change totally.
Even Nietszche and Steve Jobs have once saidsaid that these kind of individuals are unfortunately not that many, but they are truly the ones who can make a Real, meaningful difference in the world.
So I hope this fact does console your lonely heart somewhat..
It’s not easy, I know, but like some previous stories/testimonies shared in this site, sometimes you only need to just hold on longer, and keep *trying* to be Open (your heart, mind, efforts, etc), and even when you’ve found one or two individuals like this, it would already means the world for you, and you’ll suddenly find hope again in Life.
email is lambey332@hotmail.co.uk BTW