I was 17 years when i had my first attempt. i was just having enough of the stress from my parents my best friend told me when she was stressed out she would cut herself to relieve her pain.. i started cutting myself alot.. then i just started thinking it would be better if wasnt here at all and felt no pain at all.. so i went to my bathroom took 7 trazdones (sleeping pills) got 3 pairs of leggings and tied them both ways around my neck. i pulled until i passed out.. i woke up in ICU.. i was so upset that i did not succeed my parents tried acting like they cared but i knew they didnt.. to this day i still try but i guess its not my time yet.. 🙁
3 comments
There are many people who care about you. Your parents care about you even if it doesn’t seem like it.
Definitively it is not your time young girl. 17! I wish I were.
I fully understand the feeling of powerlessness that you had because on the one side you depend on them because naturally you still cannot be financially independent, however, you have already let the worst behind because soon you will be able to be independent and leave all that behind. You can even revenge afterwards, once you are on your own, having someone ringing them at 3 in the night and give them the stress back.
My father was and is one of the baddest mother phuckers still alive on earth. You would freak out at learning the things he did while we were children. Like forcing us to stay in our rooms starving while he was in the kitchen, we could not be in the kitchen if he was there, and vice versa, if were there, we would have to leave if he came. My sister and I developed a great sense of hearing. From our each separate rooms we would have to hear if he was moving (ie likely to leave his room) or he was dozing, sleeping or wanking. He would beat me very often, usually tremendous slaps on my face. At the age of 16 I hit him back.
Years passed by and I lived under psychological pressure. For example, I would open the fridge, and I would find a hand written note “pas toucher” (dont touch) if he had bought something to himself, an ice cream or so. He would never talk, but leave notes hanging from everywhere. He was and is a total psycho. So I started university, studied economics, 5 years, sleeping 5 hours and studying 10. Sometimes I would leave without meal because he was in the kitchen and I had to take the bus to university. When I graduated, I had been living under bloody hell every day, including the nights before the examinations. I was becoming a survival type, some kind of jew in a concentration camp. I could not find a job in the years that passed, despite the fact that I spoke 4 languages and was an economist, but in Spain that was useless if you did not have contacts. So, I went and carried studying pharmacy. It took me 7 years more, another psychological torture although I enjoyed the studying and learn to ignore the mother phucker, despite the tyranny and his pyscho notes. By the time I finished, I was 32, so too old to find a job without experience. So years passed and I was 40 before I finally left the home thanks to a cousin of mine who was millionaire and bought me a flat. I lived 40 years with that mother phucker who is now 80 and it is me who pisses him off now.
With this example, very unusual because I never talk about myself, I am not here for, I try to illustrate what psychological stress is. I endured and I could endure any kind of psychological torture now. Meaning this, that you would never go through what I have gone. In a couple of years you are studying elsewhere, and at bad times, think about my case.
So please, my little girl, do not ever do that to yourself again. You dont have to limit your future to the day after. The whole life is open for you. Please, if you need, write here all you want.
Hugs
O
Corina, are you ok ?