Hello. My name is Chris, im from Poland. Soon i’ll turn 20. I have a lot of problems and im alone. My mother and grandfather died when i was 7. I didn’t even know my father. My grandmother is very sick, so she needs help from me and besauce nature of her disease is very painful, she oftem screams, even in the middle of the night. But dont think she’s just old poor woman, shes a devil. She lies like she’s trying to beat a record she cheats me on regular basis. I tried commit suicide first time after my uncle came, together with him she accused me of stealing money, it was when i was 17 i was beaten by police officers even through i did not resist and spend night under arrest, but finally, i was declared innocent. Some time after i for a first time tried to kill myself. I dont know how, but i survived and i was taken to mental hospital for three months. My doctor did not agreed to release me on my own request so i tried to get out with the help of court. But after waiting over 2 moths for judge, nobody came. Even through i recived a letter from court, on a date they set, nobody came. A moth after i was released, they sent me decision, in which judge decided to pay herself for “trial”. I stopped going to school and started taking morphine. When i was tanek from my home to hospital, my grandma called police because she said “i was trying to kill her” and they searched my home and now they wans to send me to prison for “illegal gun ownership”. They say they found in my home two pepper spray bullets. Many other things dissapeared from my home, but when i asced police about it they started yelling and making threats. Meanwhile in my home situation began to escalate. Often when i woke up in the morning and i got back to my room only 10 minutes later after a hot arguing with my grandma. I do have some friends, but we meet rarely. Today they visited me, i was happy about it until i saw them. Half of them were so drunk they could barely stand. They’re good people, but they cant help me. Nobody can. And those who can dont want to. Few months ago i tried again to kill myself, but i escaped after a week in hospital. In my life i had 5 diffrent doctors (not counting those in hospital) they prescribed me various antidepressants (lerivon, fluoxetine) but none of them worked for me. Last time when i had contact with doctor he prescribed me anti-psychotics (those are drugs for schizophrenia) then i decided that none of them will help me. I also dont wanna see my friends because they all have girlfriends. Ane when they’re not near they keep talking about “how big sex gods they are and how many girls they had” I had only one. And she left me after three months. I feel overhelmed and terribly lonely. And i cant see any way out of this hell. I’m pretty sure suicide is my only option. I only fear i’ll fail again.