General paul_1991 and crying on the inside by indigo rain 2/27/2011 written by indigo rain 2/27/2011 i forgot to give you guys my email this morning/last night. if you ever want to talk my email is firstname.lastname@example.org i don’t check it that often so dont get worried if i don’t email you back for a couple of days. 82 comments 0 Email Related posts It hurts but I can’t cry for some... 10/16/2021 Protected: Ptsd 10/16/2021 ¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!¡!.¡!¡!¡!¡!¡! 10/15/2021 I don’t understand myself either 10/15/2021 Don’t want to rot away in an elder... 10/15/2021 Sleeping pills 10/15/2021 bit by bit 10/14/2021 I HATE WINDOWS UPDATES 10/14/2021 Like a dying star 10/14/2021 attempts: what was going through your mind? 10/14/2021 82 comments paul_1991 2/27/2011 - 4:54 pm Cool I think I gave you mine Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 5:05 pm yeah i have yours. My name’s Rachel by the way. Log in to Reply paul_1991 2/27/2011 - 5:13 pm Nice to meet you (if meet is the right word) lol Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 5:21 pm i think it works in this situation lol Log in to Reply paul_1991 2/27/2011 - 5:27 pm You must be pretty tired, we talked to like 5am your time Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 5:32 pm not really i got 7hrs of sleep, i woke up at 1:30pm, im used to not much sleep. i stay up til like mindnight on school nights. i really wish school didn’t start at 7:30am. it is a real ***** trying to get up but it is my own damn falt. Im a night owl or some people call me a vamire b/c im pretty pale Log in to Reply paul_1991 2/27/2011 - 5:40 pm Early morning engagements suck. I basicly was up all night trying to sleep but today I don’t feel any more tired than a few hours of sleeping tablet induced sleep but still exhausted. Also the antidepressants are giving me constant headaches Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 5:50 pm that blows. Can’t you take something else for your headaches? i have a stash of pain killers so i don’t get questioned what im going to use them for. all of the medication in our house was kept hidden from me b/c they didn’t want me attempting again. when i can’t sleep i end up watching infomercials or shopping channels or i read. i am an avid reader. in 2 weeks i read about 20 chapter books. that was when i really wanted to escape. i don’t read so much anymore school and stuff has gotten a lot better Log in to Reply paul_1991 2/27/2011 - 5:56 pm Thats pretty intense reading, yea I took some killers not long ago its kind of dulling it but yeah. Aparantly they shouldn’t last too long. I used to read but I stopped a few years ago. I always hold some hope I can sleep and just lie in bed although I hardly ever actually get back to sleep, far too much in my head most of the time. Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 5:59 pm what about meditation? that might help you clear your head. i bet if you googled how it would help. my sister does it everyday. Log in to Reply paul_1991 2/27/2011 - 6:13 pm I think two kind of medication is enough for me right now lol. Found out my sleeping pills are sought after by persciption users/abusers haha Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 6:16 pm Meditation not medication. they look very similar. are still contemplating selling your pills? probably not a good idea, unless you want to be typing to me from jail. lol Log in to Reply paul_1991 2/27/2011 - 6:23 pm Ooh I got you, I don’t really know how. As sleeping pills they aren’t too good, I just wake up after a few hours and can’t get back to sleep. I don’t really have enough to sell for any real amount of money anyway Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 6:26 pm bummer. i was hoping you could mail me some lol. when i was on sleeping pills i slept for like 17hrs or sometimes longer. i had cool dreems though. Log in to Reply paul_1991 2/27/2011 - 6:38 pm Wow thats intense, how many did you take? I don’t even dream with mine and they make you mouth taste like metal until you go to sleep and you can’t wash the taste out its a side effect of the pills Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 6:45 pm i only took one. They must have been pretty powerful i guess. if i didn’t go straight to bed after i took one it would make me forget what i did before i went to bed. I would only remember a little of what i did. im a vegatarian and one time im pretty sure i ate meat. it also made me feel weird and loopy. i also think i stuck a sewing needle pretty deep in my leg, i didn’t tell anyone about that though. i cringe when i think about that one. i would never do that if i were in my right mind. Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 6:49 pm Paul your still cryin about that girl? get over it Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 7:07 pm ill be back in about 10 15 minutes Log in to Reply paul_1991 2/27/2011 - 7:13 pm I’m still crying because everything is going unbelieveably shit. I’m still crying because I keep going around in circles and falling down over and over again, that why I am starting on antidepressants to try and change the way I think. Yes I still feel the pain of loosing her every day and I desperately wish I could find comfort in the place I always found it but I am not stupid enough to think shes coming back. Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 7:39 pm im back now. i needed to study more than i thought. Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 7:41 pm if you don’t mind me asking, what happened between you and her? and if you don’t tell me im sorry about whatever happened Log in to Reply paul_1991 2/27/2011 - 7:43 pm Fair enuf. I have absolutely nothing to do today so I’m still here lol Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 7:47 pm Ok you fell get it wemem ? Paul move on ok grow up your like have four or five befour you find a life parnter & if your goin to kill your self every time it’ end do it now. Or Grow up Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 7:47 pm yeah sometimes i just click through posts for a few hours reading the ones w/ the most intriguing titles Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 7:49 pm that seems a little harsh balckqwert Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 7:59 pm Paul like 16 to 24 ok fish sea. Log in to Reply paul_1991 2/27/2011 - 7:59 pm If it were up to me I’d be gone by now but I don’t want to hurt my family, expecially with everything else going on. So I am at least trying to live life and sort myself out, thats why I am trying the meds but I’m not just suddenly going to wake up and be better. Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 8:02 pm Paul ok is this about a girl? Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 8:03 pm Family is always getting in the way of my life plan, death. Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 8:06 pm pual, ill try and get on tomorrow if i dont have too much hw Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 8:07 pm ttyl Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 8:18 pm Paul your full of shit do it Log in to Reply life sucks thin u die 2/27/2011 - 8:19 pm O_o Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 8:22 pm He is not sayin why. he is not suicidal Log in to Reply paul_1991 2/27/2011 - 8:24 pm Obviously that is what set it of. This is about how life is just become unbearable and I can’t seem to find anything good. I am trying to sort myself for my family. I’m hard enough on myself without needing you on my back. I don’t live in some dreamland where I think she is going to come back, I just want something good to happen to fill the void. Log in to Reply life sucks thin u die 2/27/2011 - 8:25 pm idk honesly i havent reed one part of this kinda sad haha sorry paul i just saw that your comments were far a part so i thought it would be funny to put a face in it Log in to Reply life sucks thin u die 2/27/2011 - 8:26 pm ok guys plz dont fight on hear I AM THE ONLY ONE THAT GETS IN TO FIGHTS ON HEAR Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 8:27 pm Paul cut the bullshit your not sayin why Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 8:29 pm Suck’s good to sea you Log in to Reply life sucks thin u die 2/27/2011 - 8:33 pm ya same hear how you both been Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 8:34 pm Paul your full of shit i say do it do it your a fake Log in to Reply Deep abyss 2/27/2011 - 8:34 pm @blackqwert: I think you’re being too harsh on him. Not everyone has to tell about why they want to die. They have their privacy to it. Everyone has reasons, I think you should let him be instead of making him feel worse. @paul_1991: I get what you mean, the pain of losing someone you love really can be unbearable. Especially someone you’ve loved and trusted for a long time and thought you would be together forever. I hope you feel better soon and get out of the slump you’re in if you’re still trying to live instead of killing yourself. Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 8:34 pm what? Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 8:36 pm Deap abyss why paul is a fake flake Log in to Reply life sucks thin u die 2/27/2011 - 8:39 pm sorry guys i think i am gonna stay out of this one put plz dont be to mean on each other ok Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 8:42 pm Suck’s say what you want to me if im in the wrong? but im not maybe Log in to Reply life sucks thin u die 2/27/2011 - 8:45 pm its just that i talk to you both out side of sp and i dont wanna be a *****. Log in to Reply life sucks thin u die 2/27/2011 - 8:45 pm by putting my head in some where it doesnt belong Log in to Reply paul_1991 2/27/2011 - 8:46 pm What do you want me to say? I am suicidal because I lost the girl that was my life and the guilt of pushing her away while I fell apart. It made me look at my whole life and realise how much I really hate it all. Seeing her and most of friends turn their back on me and forget everything good I have done really cut me deep, I know I shouldnt care so much about what others think but the truth is I do. Its made me hate people and I feel like a complete failure. I am suicidal because I have fought so hard and got nowhere and it has taken a huge toll on me, months of going around in circles and searching and waiting for something good has worn me down to the point where I am struggling to find a way out. I am not just an attention whore, I have clinical depression hence the meds. I want to die but I saw how much it would hurt the people that actually do care about me and I am trying live for them. If I am not suicidal because I am trying to live first then I guess that is me. I was here having a conversation with someone and you just come and attack me really helps a lot thanks. Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 8:46 pm Paul im from england i’ve got a sister in CH your usin it for you fuck you Log in to Reply Deep abyss 2/27/2011 - 8:48 pm @blackqwert: you don’t know for sure if he is or not. Just respect him. Everyone has problems in their lives that wants to make them die. Some more than others. Some more open to it and others just rather not talk about it. I’m sure he posted his reasons to it on older posts somewhere if you find them. I think. Well, just don’t be so mean to him. We’re all in the same situations of wanting to die. Making another person who wants to die feel worse won’t help anyone. That’s all I’m trying to say. There’s not need for arguing. Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 8:48 pm Grow up i lost a girl to who i loved. I moved on Log in to Reply paul_1991 2/27/2011 - 8:50 pm I don’t want to be like this, if it was a question of just waking I think I would have by now. If a DOCTOR doesn’t see me getting better without meds because of messed up brain chemistry then I dont see why you think I can Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 8:51 pm SO every one here is a lose er you have no idear. im gone soon my time here fuck you. Log in to Reply crying on the inside 2/27/2011 - 8:54 pm Hi indigo thanks for inviting me to the convo thats sweet hi paul! Omg i love that your emails doctor who thats so cute! Wtf why are you’s fighting we’re on a suicide website cmon guys! Log in to Reply life sucks thin u die 2/27/2011 - 8:56 pm paul ok this might or might not make sense sorry this how i think call me stupid if you wanna everyone else does the ocean is full of fish and you catch one on you line and some how unhooks and it made you really sad because it was your first fish ever because you had lost that first fish (btw you really liked it) it made you never wanna fish ever again and you became sad and depressed because it had became unhooked but a friend made you get off you but and get in a boat and go fishing again this time you caught a bigger and pretter fish and it stayed on the line so you like the fish more than you first and it was a lot better than your first. and after that you were really happy because you had something better than your first ok sorry this could be bullshit but i am trying to make a point theres someone out there thats better for you Log in to Reply life sucks thin u die 2/27/2011 - 8:58 pm crying that what i said after all i am the only one hear alowed to fight Log in to Reply paul_1991 2/27/2011 - 8:58 pm Umm what? Did I ever call anyone anything or try and devalue or belittle them. As umm maybe you are doing. You are free to think whatever you like about me, I hate myself so I can’t expect anyone to think any higher of me but your the one that attacked me. Log in to Reply life sucks thin u die 2/27/2011 - 9:00 pm paul did you reed what i said just asking Log in to Reply Deep abyss 2/27/2011 - 9:01 pm Yeah.. I dont’ think there’s a reason to fight here. We’re all in the same boat of ending it or wanting to end it. @blackqwert: not everyone can move on that easily. For example: you can be close to your mom and then love her to death. She dies, you’ll feel devasted. Then there are those who weren’t close to their moms and even hated their moms at the end, they just move on after awhile. You can’t really judge how someone feels when you don’t know them enough to. You just gotta respect that. @paul_1991: I know how you feel. Once you love someone so much, whether it’s a girlfriend or wife or family member or anything, losing that person can be very depressing. It hurts to lose someone you love. Log in to Reply crying on the inside 2/27/2011 - 9:01 pm Life sucks then you die your so cute lol! Im staying outta it im gonna go read some more posts Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 9:02 pm Suck’s word paul bhgfngmghymhju,ji,.jk.k.kl dfdbgfmgh,hj,jhjk.jk.kl.lk.l.lk. what? Log in to Reply life sucks thin u die 2/27/2011 - 9:02 pm ya i should have to and thanks Log in to Reply life sucks thin u die 2/27/2011 - 9:05 pm thanks i am sure its hard to understand the guy that thrents me everyday says my logic is bullshit Log in to Reply paul_1991 2/27/2011 - 9:05 pm @life sucks, sorry it wasnt there while I was writing my comment. I just read it now and I understand what your saying and that was really well writen 🙂 @DeepAbyss Thanks for your comments too although I havent said anything about them I read them and took them in. Log in to Reply blackqwert 2/27/2011 - 9:07 pm Suck’s was sayin what was you freak Log in to Reply life sucks thin u die 2/27/2011 - 9:19 pm huh Log in to Reply Shelly 2/27/2011 - 9:39 pm Ooh nice email addy, I’m jealous! I love Doctor Who. Sorry that was random topic change I know, please forgive my gushing fangirlness… Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 10:21 pm i had trouble deciding wether i wanted a doctor who or torchwood email 🙂 i love british shows and books even though im a silly american Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 10:22 pm i told myself i was going to stay off this site because i have school tomorrow. that is working out great 🙂 Log in to Reply crying on the inside 2/27/2011 - 10:33 pm lol this sites addictive! 🙂 Log in to Reply indigo rain 2/27/2011 - 10:35 pm indeed it is done anything interesting lately? Log in to Reply crying on the inside 2/27/2011 - 11:04 pm Not much hun i have like no life im always at home on my laptop. How about you? Log in to Reply Shelly 2/28/2011 - 10:03 pm Sorry silly question I know but: Christopher Eccleston, or David Tenant, or Matt Smith!? Which is your favorite regeneration!? >.> And yah, I’m always at home on my laptop too… Log in to Reply indigo rain 3/1/2011 - 7:20 pm David Tenant!!!! 🙂 Log in to Reply NeverKnown 3/1/2011 - 7:40 pm David Tenant! Hands down. Log in to Reply Shelly 3/1/2011 - 10:27 pm Ha! Yay, I totally agree! David Tenant *melts* Matt Smith *swoons* and John Barrowman is just *drools* but he’s like gay, damn him!!!! =1 Log in to Reply indigo rain 3/1/2011 - 11:32 pm i died a little inside when i found John Barrowman was gay. 🙁 Have you seen the last episodes of Torchwood? (dont want to ruin anything) Log in to Reply Shelly 3/1/2011 - 11:46 pm Yes I have, the one where he has to let his grandson die to save all the other worlds children!? Or are you referring to something else… Log in to Reply indigo rain 3/1/2011 - 11:58 pm i dont remember him letting his grandson die… so idk Log in to Reply Shelly 3/2/2011 - 12:05 am He has no choice but to sacrifice his own grandson in order to save all the other children in the world, it was very confronting and moving… Log in to Reply indigo rain 3/2/2011 - 12:09 am i remember now. well i hated the way they ended it, i cried my eyes out. Log in to Reply Leave a Comment Cancel ReplyYou must be logged in to post a comment.Subscribe to comments: Don't subscribe All Replies to my comments Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.