I used to write… a long, long time ago. In school I took Honors and
Advanced Placement classes. Now it’s like all the thoughts and feelings are scrambled together. Can’t think straight, let alone put it into words for someone else. So, so tired. Now all I want to do is sleep, sleep forever. I just want to forget that I ever was.
7 comments
I can relate 100% to this post. I too use to write (But for me, this is like talking. I can’t really write something anymore. I couldn’t finish my college apps because I’m having such a terrible writer’s block)… I too took (and take) AP courses, but I’m failing now… My thoughts are nearly always scrambled, and I wish I could just sleep forever.
And those are the perfect words.
But now I try to look forward to something… even if it’s small like pizza or a future field trip or a favorite TV show. Or something big, like a dream. It keeps me going. Maybe it could keep you going too.
You may not know this but people over the last 5 years have been feeling this way, more and more people are going to be experiencing these strange symptoms….I lose thoughts all the time and often can’t think at all. My life ended at 33-I’m 40 now and not sure why I even lived, even more so, what the heck I’m still doing here….uhhhhyah! Perpetually exhausted. Lots of fun!
@NeverKnown…
Thanks at least I know I’m not alone.
Tonight my shrink mentioned the possibility that some of my problems with zoning out may be a touch of ADHD and he asked what I thought of trying some meds. I had wanted to go back to school that was my “dream” but after taking an Algebra refresher course and not being able to concentrate realized I wouldn’t be able to do college. I already tried Abilify for depersonalization disorder… it’s where you feel like you’re not real, that life is a dream… and it made me groggy.
Without school I have lost all hope and am sucidal. I have no desire or motivation to do anything at times and at other times can’t concentrate and am antsy and bored. I don’t know about the idea of meds… I’m extremely drug intolerant. Tried numerous anti-depressants and like the Abilify couldn’t handle the lethergy.
I hate my job and can’t handle the idea of being there another 25 yrs. but don’t see any way out without school. I never thought going back to school would be a problem and that was my way out… this job was supposed to be temporary, to pay off bills and save money to go back. Even if I could start I doubt that I would be able to maintain the pace I would need to as it’s a part time program on nights and weekends. Extremely rigorous program, very intense in math and science.
I have no hope of things ever getting better, I have no hope of anything and I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again.
@ softsoul… thanks, it’s just so hard to get ahead and “amount to anything” when you can’t put a coherent thought together. It seems everywhere I turn someone I know is going back to school, knows someone who is going back to school, or are finished and now starting their bright new future.
Everyone but me. I keep telling myself it doesn’t matter… at 42 the brain cells aren’t what they use to be and I should consider myself lucky not to have hours of school or homework to do after working all day every day. There’s no way I would be able to quit work to focus on school completely, and this program is the only one part-time around here… very rigorous not to mention expensive.
I’ve just had it, you know?
@Journey and everybody else here: trust me when I said that you’re not alone and I can also very much relate like you. just substitute writing with music-composing, and it’s my story..although now I’m still 29.
What really helps me (and I say this honestly) is the internet, and googling around. there is a VAST, even unlimited amount of information, support-groups, and even online forums & discussions where you can often find similar & related people all around the world who’re just like you & having similar problems.
For example,
regarding the ADHD, I highly recommend you to try the “free MBTI test”
go google it, and when the search results appear, you have two options: for simpler version (but thus probably not very-detailed & accurate), click the “humanmetrics” link one, and for the more-detailed but also hence more accurate version, click the “sminds” link one. Both are at the top of the search results.
Regarding if you feel “too late” or things like that, I can recommend two things:
1. try to wikipedia “Late Bloomer”,..and if you’re like me, you would probably be greatly consoled & comforted in knowing that 1) you’re NOT alone in all of this dilemma, and 2) you’re NEVER too late to always pursue what you dream of!
2. just simply google “am I too late or old to ….” , with the dots representing any of your questions. and from there, with a bit of curiosity, you’ll be surprised in finding that there are also other people who struggled just like you, and maybe you can even found some solutions there!
And last but not least, regarding the “going back to school but can’t have money nor time” , I HIGHLY recommend you to please download the FREE eBook of “Barbara Sher – Wishcraft”. Type these exact words in google, and click on the first link and download it. and if you want, you can immediately straight-away jump to Chapter 6 & 7, trust me, these chapters probably worth a LIFE to read and even give you some sparks of inspirations on “where-to-start”.
It’s never too late to express and BE yourself.
Sometimes, like also shown by many great figures & people in life,
it’s really a matter of adjusting your mindset.
Hope this will help.
Also regarding the writer’s block, I would highly recommend the book “The Artist’s Way”.
I’ve heard only positive reviews about this book from so many starting writers, artists, etc.
Go google it.
I’m also thinking of purchasing the book.
I too know what this is like.
Maybe we hold too many thoughts in our head and our brain is constantly in overdrive. We never get to focus on single thought in the midst of a thousand things that’s going around inside. At the end, our brain crumbles with fatigue, so tired that all we want to do is to sleep but the buzz never leaves, so trying to sleep also becomes a struggle.
I am still trying a few things… 1. meditation, a focus of the physical act of breathing and nothings else, 2. exercise, exerting your body but not your mind, 3. indulging in small things that gives a bit of happiness to put my thoughts away for at least awhile.
Sometimes it gives some temporary relief… And sometimes is doesn’t. But I think all we can do is to keep trying…