still hear

ok so im still hear on this stupid fucking earth. my mom and i are planing a month to get away from home. i cant say where were gonna go but its warm, with beautifull mountins and forists.

im ok right now. ive been drawing atleast 6 drawings a day.writing 4 poems. 2 stories and about….7 different songs. doing all this is making me very happy and calm.

my mom and me are laughing again. she still has no idea i almost killed myyself  the other day.

My friend Matt saved my life again. and my new friend Alvaro is helping me as well. matt ran to my house and kicked open my door to get to me. he spent the whole night holding me and telling me hes there for me. and that everything was gonna be ok.

Alvaro emails me everyday and we just talk. im happy that i have these 2 in my life now.

i guess its a good thing matt stoped me. cuz now i get to live just alittle while longer. i still wanna die sometimes. but…. now.. the thoughts of killing myself arent so bad..

im…happpy right now…. i … i didnt think i could be happy again.. im alittle nervious about being happy.. shouldnt i stay sad cuz my dad is gone..

as of today i am a survivor. i cant see the futcher so i wont say ill never hurt myself again.

but who knows.. maybe.. ill get to have my peace and live too