Surely we are all meant to be something more. But we aren’t. Chances are, we won’t ever be. And we go along wondering what the meaning to everything is. But we won’t ever know. I don’t even think there is a meaning to anything. We just need to feel like there is because it just makes sense. The thought of existing with no meaning is so depressing, we might as well all kill ourselves now.
I just wish things could last. Without having to constantly earn them. I don’t want to leave the only person who I find is worth anything. But I’m being forced to. And what if they are notÂ the one?Â You probably don’t believe in that. Broken people never do. But I do. I think. I love them so much. But sometimes they do something or say something that makes me wonder if they really are messed up. Everyone is you know. But this person is so perfect. Even if they are something horrible. I want all of it.
For the most part they are a good person. I believe they are. But they have a bad past. Nothing too bad. But they had a way of living that is toxic and hard to shake off. And though they seem turned around, you never know. I trust them. I believe in them when no one else does. But sometimes I question them. And I don’t think I would do this without good reasoning. Maybe I overlook things because of how much I love them. Maybe the comments people make aren’t so wrong. Maybe I should listen.
But when they are the only thing that makes me happy, the only thing I find worth living for, the thing that saved me, why should that even matter? Even if they are a little crazy, why should I care? Fuck, I’m a little crazy. Maybe more than a little. That’s not important.
I just want to be happy. And for the most part, they make me the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life. So I think dealing with the not so happy parts is what it takes to earn the happy ones. Surely I’m not always a happy one. If they can deal with my crazy, I can deal with their crazy.
So what doÂ I do now that I am being forced to leave the one who I love so much? And that’s all that it comes down to anymore. Love. Get it and you’re the happiest person in the world. Without it, you end up on this website. Losing it… well I don’t quite know yet. And I don’t want to. The only thing I have going for me is that I have hope we will be together again. I’m almost able to make my own decisions. Able to live for myself completely. And when that time comes they can save me and we’ll go live happily ever after. Hopefully.