I’m thankful there’s a place I can say something before I go, since notes left behind void life insurance benefits.
I am a certified Master Scuba Diver and am about to take my last dive tonight. I found a place in a lake that has 80-lb chunks of limestone at 90ft where I can roll a couple and wedge my arm so it appears I got stuck, and then just wait for my air to run out.
I’m 43, and have lost a lot in life recently, job, wife, mostly due to my bipolar as best I can figure. The suffering has been more than I can continue to handle, so I’m doing something to finally change everything.
I’m hoping my parents will get over my death with as little pain as possible; my wife certainly will. I’ve tried a lot of meds to reduce depression, but in 4yrs treatment, nothing made much of a dent. I leave behind no legacies, and my wife will be in a better financial place than with me alive. I regret all my wrong doings, and figure I’ll be paying for them in whatever is to come. I’m not a holy-roller, but if there’s a “hell-ish” place, I’m most likely gonna be there.
I don’t look at this as a wrong choice though, since my pain & suffering are greater than me. I just view my course as, well … leaving ahead of schedule.
3 comments
XOR, if this is your choice don’t think you’re going to go to a hellish place….from a Spiritual perspective you have free will and if your intention is to free yourself from suffering, no one will judge you but yourself.
You’re already in a bad state….practice compassion for yourself before you go, it will help. May not sound like much-but it is. If you go, you go, be well. Take care.
Please don’t do this. You have been in therapy for four years, but it may just take a little longer for you to get better. Times seem dark now, but they can get better.
How about you try something drastic in the other direction?
Try putting all of your energy into finding a new job. Try something new. Meet someone new. Make the most of what you have.
Just please don’t kill yourself.